I wonder what the day will bring?

I awoke this morning with a very stiff neck, no doubt from too much sitting in front of this computer, reading reams and reams of stuff. It has to be done, although like I said, there is no time limit. It will be in my interests to get my part of the final proof read done quickly, as once it is done the book can go to print. The sooner it goes to print, the sooner I can start to sell it and recoup the cost of publication, not to mention the money I have spent in writing it.

Coran has an interview this morning for a job that sounds very promising. It is actually a second interview, the first one being just over a week ago. Today he has to do a Delphi test so that they can see the way he works, and also meet the company boss. If all goes well, he may get the job. Unfortunately, as tends to be the case, he has not been feeling himself these past few days, with the IBS flaring up. This has been acerbated by some healing that he had from our astrologer friend Sarah Jane Grace, in exchange for doing her website. She is a very powerful healer who channels the energy of the planets, and it has really knocked him for six. He knows that he has to do this, as a lot of it is resistance on his part, so is bravely trying to go and do what he needs to do.

For my part, I am waiting for the college to ring and arrange an exam observation for some time next week, so that I can see what the job entails in more detail. The exams do not start until after half term, at which point, as the book will very shortly be out as well, I will probably need to sign off. My benefit has almost run out anyway, so there will be no point in me continuing in the system jumping through hoops in order to please them, simply for National Insurance credits. I would sooner pay voluntary self employed contributons and maintain my freedom.

At the moment it is pouring with rain, so once Coran has gone, I will go and sort out all the rubbish in our shed and take it to the dump. Once that has been done, I may decide to go back to the Church (I was there last night doing the Wednesday service), and give it a good clean. Normally Tony one of the trustees (a man cleaning!) does this, but he has gone to Thailand for a month with his new girlfriend, so the trustees have asked Coran and I to do it for a month during his absence. By the time I finish there it will probably be lunchtime, so I will go home to get some lunch and watch some dreadful daytime television. Then back to the proof reading. I am already up to chapter nine, so have made good progress. If all goes well, it may be finished by the end of the Bank Holiday and I may be holding my book within 2 weeks.

The proof reader has finished

I meant to post this a few days ago, but have hardly had time to do anything at all!

The proof reader finally finished last weekend, so this meant I was busy answering reams of questions. It's a good job Richard, my Editor and owner of Authors OnLine Ltd appointed someone with a scientific background, as there were several important places where omitting words by mistake had completely changed the meaning, and only someone with this background would have realised this. He certainly proved his worth. I have not received all the amendments. These were done on screen, rather than paper copies, which I find much easier to look at. It must be a nightmare being a bonafide proof reader with all those bits of paper to keep looking at, since most of them work on paper rather than on screen. Still, the name of my publisher is Authors OnLine ...

As it is it means that I will have to have 2 documents open as I go through the amendments. Technically I don't have to, as with Word Tracker you can display different versions of the same document, flitting between them if you want. I decided that to help me read it and understand the changes that have been made (most of them are simple things, like commas etc in the wrong place, and words that should or should not be hyphenated) I will input them into my original document. Once I have done that, only then will I read the whole thing through.

Unlike with a mainstream publisher, there is no time limit for completing this. I do not intend to rush through it, but it would be good to get it finished by the end of next week, which is half term. Once the schools are back, I will be busy invigilating GCSE and A'level exams, amongst other things, so may not have as much time. I will have to think very carefully when the college ring to arrange my timetable. I need the money, but I will also need some time.

I am also celebrating the fact that I am now spending three weeks on Lundy rather than two. I noticed that the cottage was free for the week after I was due to come home a few days ago, and was not sure what to do, since I did not want this to adversely affect my promotional plans for the book. I asked my pendulum, which said, yes, you should go and you may not get another chance to go away this year. I still wasn't sure, so asked my friend Wendy to check for me. She got the same results, so I have booked it.

Having spoken to Richard, he informs me that it is up to me when I want the book to come out. All that needs to be done is for me to approve the changes made by the proof reader, he will then send the final page count to his son James, who will do the spine, and once that is done it is ready for printing! The book could be available within the month, and almost certainly by the time I go to Lundy!

It may seem like madness to be away for three weeks so soon after publication, but I will be at the end of a mobile phone should Coran or Richard need urgent queries sorted out. I feel at this stage that that third week became available for a reason - because I needed a long break in order to prepare for the mad rush that will follow! It doesn't leave me with much time to organise anything, but hey, who cares, I was not planning to have a huge book launch anyway, just a little party at the Church with a few friends.

I have already sold 100 plus copies to various people that I know through the Church and various websites, so the book will break even with a bit of luck within its first few months. All that remains is to try and get it into some shops, get some reviews in magazines etc, and get out there and sell it!

I am trying not to get nervous as this is such a big step, but one that I know I have to take. It is natural to feel like this, and I am sure all writers go through it, no matter how many books they write. I hope this will be the first of many - but who knows?

Have I bitten off more than I chew?

I have had three interviews for jobs this week, all of which turned out to be a complete waste of time, where the job description bore absolutely no resemblance to the actual job. All three were advertised as looking for someone with basic IT skills. This to my mind means the ability to know and understand the basic parts of a computer, with a bit of word processing. When it came to the interviews though, they all wanted Access and Excel, neither of which to my mind are basic. I knew pretty much as soon as I went into the room that this job would not be right for me, from the expression on the woman's face who was interviewing me. She seemed to turn her nose up at everything I said, and had I got the impression that she already made her mind up from the moment I sat down.

Still, what the heck, who wants to work with a load of toffee nosed know-it-alls anyway? They will be laughing the other side of their faces when my book sells its first 500 copies and makes me far richer and more fulfilled than they could ever hope to be.

When I got back from the park later on, Coran told me there was a message from the woman who interviewed for another job yesterday. I have left a message for her to ring me back, although it will probably have to wait until Monday now. I am wondering what it is about, since she phoned yesterday to say I didn't have the job, due to a lack of experience of dealing with foreign students (it was in the Basic Skills Unit of a local Adult Education Centre). Have they changed their mind and decided to offer it to me after all? I guess I will have to wait until Monday to find out.

Things have definately started to shift since I finished the book and delivered the final draft. I have had more offers of interviews these past 2 weeks than I have had during the entire previous 6 months - three of which were with the Council, whom I have been applying to for months. It is almost as if the universe were waiting for me to get the book finished before I was ready to go back to work.

The book though is progressing well, the proof reader has started work, and has already contacted me with a few queries. Yesterday I also received the preliminary cover design. There are a few changes that I have requested, before the final artwork is prepared. After that the scary stuff really begins - marketing it to different people, including book shops. Once I have the ISBN I will have to prepare my AI (Advance Information) sheet which will be sent to various people (Cygnus book club, Nexus, Kindred Spirit etc). Then I will have to open a business bank account and get stationary printed and all ready. Once I have a publication date, I can book the Church for a launch party, and send out invitations. I must check with the Inland Revenue whether I can claim for the cost of the drinks etc ...

It is finally beginning to hit me now I have seen some sketches of the cover, what this all means, and the way it is going to change my life. Namely forcing myself, in fact having to put myself out there, in public, selling this book. This will be different to anything I have sold at work, as this time it is my own product, and one that I have much more of a vested interest in. Since I have spent five years writing and nurturing this baby, and there is so much of me in there, it is in effect also selling me, something that I have never felt particularly confident about.

Yet at the same time I know instinctively that my whole life has been building towards this moment, when I get to see my own book in print, and hold a copy in my hands. I was told as a child that I would someday write a book, but I never beleived it, and forgot all about it until it actually happened. I wonder sometimes if I can really handle all of this, and have I bitten off more than I can chew, should I just emigrate to Lundy and lead a happy life serving food in the Tavern and cleaning cottages? I know that this would not be the answer either, as in time I would feel just as unfulfilled as I did at my old job. No, I have to write, and I have to do this, my soul has been crying out to me to get this done, and I cannot stop even if I wanted to.

I have to keep reminding myself that it is not the soul that is frightened, but rather the ego, and the personality self. This is not though who I am. The soul knows who I am and knows what I, what it needs to do. I do not intend to let it down, as otherwise I might have to come back and do it all over again!

That was then, and this is now ....

Well, that was then, and this is now. Three weeks later the book is entering production. The cover is being designed as I write, and the proof reader is busy at work reading. I have moments when I have to stop and pinch myself that it is really happening after all these years of work, that my efforts will finally pay off, and I will see my name in print. What celebrations there will be that day.

My new website is almost complete, this blog being one of the last touches that I wanted to add. The idea is that people who log on to my own site, and also here, will be able to follow the entire journey to publication. If some of those who read these posts are also considering publishing, via any route, then all well and good. If what I write helps others that it will not have been in vain.

I have written the acknowledgements page

April 22

I have today written the acknowledgements page, which I hope doesn't sound too gushing and sentimental:

"First and foremost I would like to thank my partner Coran Foddering for his unwavering love and support, without whom this book would never have reached fruition. Thank you for persuading me that Nectar does not always smell sweet – you know what I mean. Thanks also go to Edwin Courtenay for the generous use of his material, and also for introducing me to crystal skulls; also to Carole Humber who so diligently organized and recorded so many of Edwin’s talks and workshops.

Grateful thanks to the trustees and all my friends from St Michaels Sanctuary in Ewell. I can’t believe that I lived literally around the corner for so many years, and did not realise you were there. I discovered the Sanctuary at exactly the right time, and it has been my spiritual home ever since, providing a welcome retreat and a comfortable place to rest, where I can truly be myself. Thank you for being there for both of us, during dark and challenging times, and for helping both of us to see our light. To Richard Scull and Paul Harrison for their wonderful crystal skulls at such reasonable prices through which much of this information was channelled; also to Shirley O’Donoghue, my crystal teacher, had I not done that course, and been forced to speak this book might never have started. To Diana Summer for your advice and encouragement from spirit, thank you for giving me a cosmic kick up the backside that I so desperately needed.

I also owe a huge debt to my friends at Phoenix Rising Forum, especially Gillyann Osborne, Amber Van Zyl, Wendy Grey and Yasmin Lawley. You are truly my rocks and the best friends I could ever hope to have. To Marion Howells and her Journey group, especially Kathryn Timms (my guardian angel), and Sheila Jolly, for helping me to find my voice. To the staff of Lundy Island and crew of MS Oldenburg for providing a haven from the stresses and strains of mainland life, and quiet place in which to write. I am sure that your love and dedication makes the island the wonderful place it is, truly Heaven’s Isle. Were it not for Lundy I would have gone mad a long time ago. To my friends Julie Ann Ross, Narguis Kheshavjee and Jon Swinscoe for their encouragement and support, but most of all, for being themselves.

I would also like to thank all those writers whose material has been so invaluable for the writing and research of this book; also David Tame and Tim Wallace-Murphy for their help and advice with copyright issues. Last, but no means least to Richard Fitt and his team at Authors OnLine, for helping the dream become a reality".

The Contract has been signed

April 21

I have just got off the phone from my publisher (doesn't that sound great) having ironed out the details re how much this is going to cost. He has offered me an unbelievable deal - the whole lot for £1105 - that includes converting the text to a PDF file, registering the ISBN, distribution in both the UK and North America, library deposits, uploading to the printers website, formatting as an e-book which will be available via the publishers own site, plus uploading to Amazon.co.uk and .com, full cover design and proof reading. I can't believe what a good deal this is.

Richard who runs the company, has just emailed me the contract, so am off to the park in a minute for a cup of tea, and will read through the whole lot, then sign it, get the cheque and send it off. Then we are on our way!

I have signed the contract in the presence of 2 witnesses - Coran and my next door neighbour. It has then been signed, sealed, and shall very shortly be delivered. I was hoping to get to the building society today to get the cheque sorted out and what should happen when I got there - one parking space was free right outside, and I had exactly 40p in my purse for the meter. The countdown begins - three months and ticking.

Spirit are delighted with my choice

April 19

I have just got back from a reading with my friend Diana Summer. It seems that spirit are delighted that I have taken control with the book, and are thoroughly pleased with my choice. It is nice to have their approval!

I was told that people will use the book in a lot of different ways - but primarily as a reference work for their own research. It is, to the best of my knowledge, the only book that puts all these different themes together in one volume. There are loads of books that talk of different aspects that I have written about, but no one has brought it together under a proper time line the way that I have. Those publishers who said no will be kicking themselves I feel. Their loss will be my gain.