Standing Still

A funny thing seems to have happened this weekend - it is almost as if time has stood still, yet at the same time, I have been aware of it moving very quickly as well. When I had my reading with Diana Summer a few weeks ago, she said that once I began to let go I would find that I seemed to have more time for a lot of things, and was no longer running around like a headless chicken. It seems that she was right.

It seems in many ways, to have a even busier weekend than normal. It began on Friday with a trip to the gym and then the supermarket. I find I am getting very fit and strong these days, and I love the way my body looks - I am developing arm muscles that I never had before, and my shoulders have a nice defined look at them. This is no doubt helped by my job - lifting and carrying objects, which in some cases, are almost as big as I am. When I first joined the gym at the beginning of last year, I could not use the treadmills for more than a few minutes without holding on to the rail to steady myself, and I struggled to lift more than 7 kilos. Now I can walk or cycle comfortably for half an hour if not more, at up to 6 kms an hour and comfortably lift more than twice as much. I will perhaps never be a runner, but have always been a walker, preferring a steady pace, and I enjoy the satisfaction of continually pushing myself to reach a goal.

Friday continued with a few calls to book shops and other outlets - Watkins Books in London, and the Head Office of Blackwells, the academic book seller. In the case of Watkins they requested the obligatory free copy, which I told them I would not send since the first one was ignored - I will however send an email instead. With Blackwells, whom I was trying to contact with a view to them stocking my book, I got the obligatory answerphone masquerading as the Buying Team. I will wait and see if they call me back on Monday (by which time I will be back at work anyway), but won't hold my breath, as I have been there and done that. If I don't hear then I expect I will bite the bullet and send them a copy anyway, having spoken to Richard first. Their stores would be a good outlet for my work, especially since it seems to be going down so well now with the students at Arizona State University in America.

This was followed by a lazy afternoon lounging around the viewpoint, sitting in the sun, drinking tea and reading A New Earth. I am almost halfway through the book now - after 2 weeks and it has certainly made a big difference to my life. I still find myself slipping back into the old egocentric ways, but at least now I am much more aware of when I do that, and can see what lies underneath it rather than becoming embroiled and believing that the voice in the head is who I am.

I suppose that is what I love about Lundy - the ability it gives me to completely disengage from the mind chatter and get out of my mind completely - trust me on this - it's the only place to be!

Yesterday the day began with Coran and I visiting the Village Hall for an event that was being put on by the Hall Committee - the Village Fun Day. This was a chance to network with various people from around the Hill, gathering news and gossip for the forthcoming edition of the village newsletter that I edit. The copy deadline is looming once again! I got home and wrote up the various stories that I have been working on - issues around Council Tax banding, a sponsored walk in aid of the Royal Marsden Hospital, and Prince William and Harry's recent visit to Headley Court, amongst other things. I also wrote a piece about the Fun Day itself, with a list of the regular events that take place in the Hall.

Then it was lunch time, followed by a trip into town to get a skirt for work - it is becoming too hot now for trousers, and I thought that if I flash some leg, it might help me to sell a few more things to the younger male customers!

The evening was a busy one as well, with phone calls to be made once again for the village newsletter - to the Secretary for the Roads Association, the Secretary for the Residents Association on our mobile home park, and then to the District Councillor to see if she could help with some legal information regarding the Council Tax banding situation. She couldn't, so I emailed a company called Park Home Legal Services instead, whom I found via the Internet. I will be seeing the District Councillor at the Neighbourhood Council meeting tomorrow anyway, so we can bring each other up to date on various things then.

It was funny though, because Coran and I both thought that Casualty, one of the few television programmes that I still like to watch, was on at 8.45pm, and I ended up stuck on the phone sorting out these various issues until 9.15pm. I switched the TV on anyway to catch what I thought would be the end, only to find that I had got the time wrong and it started at 9.20pm after all ! Isn't the universe wonderful when you let go of expectations and begin to go with the flow !

So, today promises to be yet another sweltering day - and another busy one. Coran and I are off to the gym in a moment before it gets too hot, we will then no doubt stop at the viewpoint to catch the breeze and some more sun, before coming home to cook lunch and do the laundry for next week - the whites are whizzing round as I speak. After that I have to go and interview my subject for this months centrespread and take some more photographs to accompany the text, and then well, we will see what happens.

What a busy weekend then it has been - five weeks and 6 days to go to Lundy and counting ... Not that I am wishing my life away you understand.

The meaning of life

I had a strange dream in that moment of transition between sleep and wakefulness, the exact details of which I can no longer recall. I do recall though that my sister Linda was there - an unusual occurrence in itself given that she suffers from schizophrenia, and our relationship is not exactly what you call best friends.

From the few details that I do remember, the dream was based around the island of Lundy, where I retreat to two, maybe three times a year, in order to recharge my batteries. Somehow or other I had got locked out of the cottage, with all my possessions inside - everything that I needed to sustain me and keep me warm from the rapidly encroaching darkness as night fell. Linda and I needed to get help to get back into the cottage before this happened, and while she seemed totally unconcerned, I was searching around, desperately looking for help and wondering whether we had time to get that help before it was too late. It was at that point that the alarm clock went off and I had to get out of bed. I would not normally set the alarm clock of course for a Bank Holiday, but I do work in retail, and so to me, it is just another working day - albeit slightly shorter and with more pay.

It occurred to me while I was in the shower, that perhaps this is about letting go of my own baggage. Diana Summer mentioned some while ago that the Terminal 5 baggage fiasco was also about this - where thousands of bags belonging to air passengers failed to arrive at their destination, and weeks later have still not been found. The fact that the darkness was encroaching was also no doubt, about my own willingness, or perhaps lack of it, to look at my own darkness. I think most of us are afraid of this, and I am no exception here. I also think, or rather feel, that I have made a very good start.

For the first time I actually understand experientially as well as conceptually what that phrase "choose a new reality" really means, and I also understand at last, just how powerful our words and our thoughts really are. It is not something that you can explain to another, as to coin a phrase from Genesis of Man "Words are the least effective way of describing our experiences, as they are merely symbols which are used to describe our thoughts and feelings". When Descartes said "I think, therefore I am" perhaps what he should have said is "I feel, therefore I am".

We have to be willing to let go of everything that we are, and everything that we ever have been if we are to understand who we are truly are. When I think about this, I see transsexuals in many ways as the ultimate in this - for these are people who are willing to give up their whole sense of identity - changing their bodies, their names and literally starting all over again to order to find who they truly are inside. On the other side of the coin are the refugees and 'victims' of various atrocities, who have lost their livelihood, their homes and their loved ones - and seen things that are the stuff of nightmares.

Nadine Laman has an interesting take on this in her May newsletter, where she speaks about the recent Amazon debate and relates this to the need to appreciate what we have and support what is important to us. Most people take for granted that which they love, until it too late and it is gone. She relates this to changes within the book industry, and how one day we will wake up and find out that print books are no more, and have been replaced by emails and CD-roms instead. She urges her readers to not wait to buy books that are interested in, or one day they may wake up and realise that it is too late - those books are no more, as their authors have been forced out of business, unable to make a living.

You could equate this with anything I suppose, like failing to vote, or not valuing your loved ones, but the world is changing before our eyes (change being the only constant in the universe), and if we allow ourselves to get too complacent, and just sit around not looking to the future, then that change will happen regardless, and we may not even notice.

Most readers of course have no idea of what is going on in the book industry (I have very little idea of what goes on in music, even though I buy CD's), and for that matter, many writers and authors do not keep up to date either. One thing we can be sure of is that although the format for books may change, books themselves will always be here in one form or another. Books will also have a shorter life and shelf span (it is currently between three to six months on average), as more of them become available, and the window of opportunity will gets shorter and shorter for an authors success. It is important then not to be complacent, and to support the writers that you like, and not wait until those books are off the shelf.

So, don’t wait (or worse still, expect) to be given a free book and then loan it to everyone you know. Writers, like you, are entitled to make a living, and cannot do so if no one buys their books. As Nadine says, one day, it may be a day late and a dollar (or pound) short to have what you treasure. Life is precious indeed and all too short, we should embrace it and live it fully while we can, for one day it will be gone and we will be left wondering where it all went. Don't take it for granted that the things that you enjoy and get meaning from will always be there, they won't unless you nurture them and look after them. So, value life, value books, and most of all, value yourself.

Awareness becoming aware of itself

It is almost one whole month since I had that fateful reading with Diana Summer, where she told me that my sense of self was so bound up in my book that it was preventing the book from fulfilling its true potential, as I was unable to separate it from my sense of self, and it therefore was not free. It is only now one month later, that I am beginning to finally realise what Diana meant.

When a young child begins to learn language and recognise sounds, one of the first words that it learns to recognise is the one that represents it's name - in my case, June. The child thus begins to equate this word with their sense of self; the word that represents their name becomes a thought and the thought behind that word becomes who they are. The name is not who they are, but merely a mental abstract, a symbol which represents who we believe that we are. It is interesting that children at this stage of individuation refer to themselves in the third person, for example, "June is hungry or thirsty", almost as if they are observing themselves. Who though is the observer? Answer - the real them that is locked inside.

As the child develops, they cease to refer themselves in this way. The next stage in their development entails learning how to designate certain things as theirs - "my toy" or in my case, "my book", and so it goes on. This carries forward into our adult lives, as we learn to define ourselves and our sense of self through not just things, but also through our jobs, our relationships, our skin colour, our religion and all those other things that we use as adults to describe and define who we are. None of these things are really who we are at all, but are merely distractions of the ego, tools that we use in order to feel better about ourselves in relation to others, and convince ourselves that we are somehow different or unique.

Who we actually are beneath all of this, as our Gnostic forebears also discovered, is awareness becoming aware of who we are.

Today I have been carefully watching my thoughts and observing how many times the word I, or mine, enters my head. It is amazing how many times it does. I have discovered attachments to not just the book, but virtually everything that I own - my record collection, my clothes, my photographs from my travels around the world, even my handbag and the shoes that I wear to work each day - if I did not associate so much with these items then I would not go into a flap when I cannot find them, as it would not matter to me!

I also though I have learnt, define myself through my story, all the things that have 'happened' to me and which life has thrown at me - both the good and the so-called bad. The ego loves the drama of it all, and so it creates drama where there is none - through the so-called Amazon debate for example, which I allowed myself to get far too het up about, when most of the things that have been said do not affect me at all. It is impossible for them to withdraw print on demand books from their site, since the information is fed to them directly through a feed from Nielson Bookdata, the ISBN agency here in the UK.

So, I have decided that from now on, I have to mind my language, and if I don't like the things that are happening around me, then I can choose a new reality, and my life will change accordingly. It is all a state of mind, and ultimately a state of being. I don't have to be anything other than myself.

This is not to get bereft and beat myself up for behaving the way the way that I have done, for this is a futile exercise that creates nothing but guilt. No, I simply learn from my experiences and move on to the next one, knowing that I have the power to create anything that I want in my life. In using the word want, all I create is more wanting, and so I say to myself that I do not want success, I already have it. And so I do, and all is well with the world.

Random thoughts on yesterday and what it all means

Random thoughts about yesterday then. Reading one of the books that I bought yesterday - A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle, has brought much to the surface for me to look at. This is no doubt the reason why I have resisted buying this book for so long - it has been out for some time. Yesterday though, with all the time in the world, idling at my stall, the book was just too tempting not to pick up and read. I was tempted for a few seconds to buy it from from Amazon, but then remembered all that has gone on in recent weeks, and decided that this was not a good or even God idea (some typos are divinely inspired too!), and I paid full price, thus giving a further donation to the Brigitte Trust and helping to actively promote fair trade, at the same time acknowledging and honouring Waterstones for the opportunity to sell my own books at their stall. It was in the scheme of things, a small price to pay.

Back to those revelations though - I was observing myself yesterday, and noticed that I was not fully present at all. It was sods law that it happened to be the warmest day of the year so far, and I would so much rather have been out enjoying the sun and walking around the Hill. I was making very little effort really to engage those who browsed the stall in conversation, and when they did approach and look at my book, I told them that it was my book. It is not though my book, as this implies ownership. This has for me then highlighted just how much work I still need to do to release this book back to the universe so that it can fly to the hearts and the minds of those who need to read it. It has also shown that there is a need to watch my language!

I am still keeping it far too close to me, holding on tight, afraid to let it go. I too am afraid to let go and put my head above the parapet and see what happens. You see the thing is, by getting book stores to sell the book, I am giving them the responsibility for what happens next, and handing it over to them, but when it comes to other types of promotion, such as fairs, talks and so on, I am forced to be on display with my wares, smiling and encouraging sales. As I have discovered, it is one thing to sell things at work, but quite another when it is your own creation, as you are not just selling your wares, but you are also selling yourself.

That to me then is the key - the two - myself and the book, have become so intertwined, that there is no longer a separation between the two. Diana brought this home to me sharply three weeks ago, and although I did go through the motions of a releasing ceremony to get the stuck energy moving again, it was just that - going through the motions - my heart and my soul have not been in it, as I was not really ready to let go. Yesterday though presented me with another opportunity to look at myself and change, and for that I am grateful.

The universe responds in kind

When the working week began, following my reading with Diana Summer on Friday, I was determined to change my mindset and stop seeing my job as a problem that was preventing me from fulfilling my true vocation. I went to work on Monday determined that my attitude would be different and have been surprised at how things have changed. It is remarkable how quickly the universe can respond when you give it the opportunity.

Now I know that the job is designed as a challenge, I have been responding very differently, and allowing myself to become much more the observer. I have been very mindful of my thoughts and actions this week, and found myself noticing the fact that I am not thinking about the book hardly at all. It occurs to me though that the fact that I have noticed that I am not thinking about the book means that I am! Now that's a philosophical question ... Coran assures me though that this is just a part of re-training my mind to think and feel differently, and I believe that as usual, he is right.

I have also become aware that the sooner I work through this challenge the sooner I will be able to leave this job. The observer in me has noticed that there are lots of reasons why it would be in my interests to do so, and I know that when the time is right the universe will respond by presenting me with an opportunity that fulfils all my needs. I also know that my needs and my wants are not necessarily the same thing, and so the next job may be even more of a challenge.

My tenth house is the area in my birth chart astrologically speaking, where most of my planets are located, and this is also the house that governs work and career. It should then come as no surprise that this has been where most of the challenges I have faced in life have come from. The universe does though occasionally give some respite, and I get the feeling that my next job will be much easier all round. What will be though will be.

There was a temporary blip last night when I made the mistake of going to the Bookseller website and read their debate regarding Amazon's attempt to undermine publishers ability to discount their own books. There were some comments made in response to some of my comments that left me reeling and I felt the anger and frustration rising to the surface once again. I allowed this to surface, knowing that it is necessary to work through this, and went to bed still feeling angry and frustrated. I woke up the same way and was almost ashamed and guilty to see that I arrived at work with this still on my mind, having been unable to let go, and even found myself discussing book stuff with my colleagues again.

As soon as I noticed this though I made efforts to change my mind set, and concentrate on my work, and I am pleased to say that the customers obliged by coming in to the shop and giving me some healthy sales. The day ended with us having taken a little over £3000, which is not the best day, but certainly not the worst.

Despite Diana's instructions not to go anything relating to my book, it has been very difficult not to do things relating to publishing. One has to after all remain up to date, and when calls and emails come in, they have to be answered. Most of these though have not been directly connected to my own book, but more to do with publishing in general. I guess then it is okay to deal with these and carry on following what goes on in the publishing world, as long as I do not start to email and call book stores and other suppliers and worry constantly about the number of books that may or may not be selling. This I feel is the key, and this is what Diana really meant when she said that I needed to step back. I must say that the sense of relief is wonderful, and it feels like a ten tonne weight has been lifted from my shoulders. The right one has been rather stiff and painful today, as has my right wrist, but these tensions have to be worked out like anything else, and things often get worse before they get better. This is good though, as pain is just fear leaving the body.

I will not then be booking a ticket for the London Book Fair, the deadline for which is tomorrow, and I will not be using one of my last precious days holiday on attending this event. I will instead, weather permitting go for a long walk with my beloved and get some fresh air and exercise.

Tomorrow then is my last day of work for this week and then I have five days off. My next holiday after that will be to my beloved Lundy on June 21st - that will be a birthday to remember.

My reflection is changing

Today I am feeling so much better, and more relaxed than I have for a long time. It is like a ten tonne weight has been lifted from my shoulders, and I can once again walk tall. There is a long way to go for sure, and an awful lot still to be let go of (it is as always an ongoing process), but changes are starting to be made.

When I woke up this morning and took my glasses cleaner out of my handbag, as I do every day, I found that I had broken my mirror. Normally this is a sign of seven years bad luck, but I don't believe in nonsense such as this. When I showed it to Coran, he commented that my reflection had changed, and I must say that I like the idea of that.

Since yesterday, I have been making a conscious effort to watch my mind a lot more (be more mindful), and I have been surprised at the number of times I catch myself thinking about this book. Diana Summer was right when she said to me that letting go of it would be like a grieving process, for already that is what it it beginning to feel like. I feel like I am at a loose end, as I have nothing to do - I am forbidden from doing any promotional work of any kind for the next three weeks, and have to try doubly hard not to get embroiled in any of the things currently going on in publishing either - this in some ways is even harder than the not doing any book work part.

I have become aware then of just how much time this has taken over my life - it is there from the time I wake up until the time I go to bed - this feeling that I should be doing this or doing that - nonsense of course, for the word should has such negative connotations. It implies guilt and that there will be consequences for not carrying out whatever it is we 'should' be doing. The word then is now banished from my vocabulary, to be replaced with the word could, as that implies much more of a choice, which is healthier all round.

What then have I done today? This morning I had the first of four appointments with my friend Melanie from the astrology group, who is studying reflexology. I volunteered to be one of her case studies, as a means of helping her out and getting some free treatment, I admit. She has a very light touch as she is still a relative beginner, but we all have to learn. I remember how nervous I was when I first started my massage course all those years ago (eleven to be exact, as it was just before I met Coran for the second time). I was terrified that I would hurt someone and be too rough, and I think Melanie, although she is also studying Polarity Therapy, probably feels the same way. It was very relaxing, and it was nice to meet up and have a good chat and get to know her a bit better. We will see each other again for the next session on Friday.

I then met Coran for lunch, and a bit of shopping before driving home in the rain. I did some surfing, and Coran went round to one of our neighbours houses to sort out a computer problem while I did some more clearing up - including wait for this - hoovering the house. I hate hoovering and only do it when I absolutely have to. I even washed the kitchen floor and cleaned the bathroom.

I am now having a breather while I write this blog, and another entry in a moment re the latest Amazon developments (I really am trying not to get het up about this now!), before settling down with a nice cup of tea and the latest edition of Star Trek. Coran had better be home in the next half hour then, as I haven't a clue how to work our video recorder !

From darkness to light

I feel as if I have been hibernating for six long months and am finally coming back to life. It is like I am awakening from a long and deep slumber. Some of this feeling may be attributed to the fact that we are moving from winter into spring, the clocks having moved forward by an hour here last weekend. Most of it though can be attributed to the fact that today I made some startling revelations.

This came about largely as a result of my reading with Diana Summer, which was illuminating indeed. I asked four questions - the first of which concerned both my working life and my book, and how to find the balance between the two. The second concerned a colleague from work, who has been pressing my buttons of late. The third was about the Amazon debate and the final question was regarding one of my crystal skulls, and whether it was appropriate to sell her on to another interested party. The answer in this case was a resounding no, but that was a small part of the reading, the most important things that Diana had to say concerned of course both the book and Amazon, which as I discovered, are inextricably linked.

After Richard made the decision to ask Gardners to take my book as a stocked title, I began to immerse myself totally in the publishing world. I spent hour after hour ringing various book stores, networking on various sites and surfing websites such as The Bookseller and Publishing News, so that I knew how the industry operated and really got to grips with what was happening in the book world. I poured my heart and my soul and everything I possibly had into that book, and not without good reason. But in so doing I created a huge problem, for in holding on to it so tight, and being so immersed, cocooned almost in this energy field, the book became almost a part of me, so much so that there was no longer a separation between the two, and I could not let it go to fly. That then is the reason why the sales, although very good by print on demand standards, did not meet my expectations, and that is also the reason why after all my hard work, those books came back - because I had never released them in the first place.

Part of the problem has also been this web of anger and frustration at the way that the industry operates, and this is closely tied to the Amazon debate. I don't think it is a coincidence that this kicked off while I was waiting for that reading, as it brought the whole thing (the anger and frustration that I have carried for far too long) to a head. It is then merely a symbol of the ongoing struggle that I have endured, or told myself that I endured, for six long months, in fact when I think back on it, seven long years, as this goes back to the time when I first began to write, back in March 2001 (was it that long ago?) They say that things go in seven year cycles, so it seems right then that this is the time to finally do what I should have done when the book was first published, and let it go.

Diana then talked me through some ideas for a short ritual which I conducted just after 3pm today in our back garden in the shimmering sunshine of a beautiful spring day. I laid out two copies of the book - one first edition, one second edition, surrounded by seven crystals which I cleansed first under running water, and my Ruby Aura crystal skull. I then lit a candle, which I placed in a plant pot to stop it from blowing out, and said a short invocation that I released all lower vibrational energies surrounding this book back to the universe, and all ties that bound the book to me, all forms of 'negative' emotion, such as fear, anger, frustration, guilt, unhappiness, despair, despondency, all the things I have felt for months now and not really been able to adequately put into words. I then left the books, together with the crystals and the candle in the garden for a few hours while I started to clear the house.

I started by moving those books that came from Gardners into the loft - out of sight will be out of mind. I then destroyed the original boxes that they came in, and started to clear the clutter from the living room that has been building up for months. Later on in the early evening, I played a CD of some nice soft dance music and walked around the house with some chimes, gently tapping them into each corner of each room throughout the house to clear the energy which has become stuck and has been holding both Coran and I back for some time.

The Amazon debacle can be seen as another symptom of the anger and frustration that until this morning surrounded me (thankfully it is now beginning to dissipate). It was entirely understandable that I reacted in the way that I did, and I don't regret the actions that I took, for life is too short for regrets, but with hindsight it was wrong for me to get so closely involved in a situation that does not appear to directly affect authors in this country. I mean no disrespect to my writing friends across the pond, and will continue to support them in any way that I can, but I have decided that I really cannot afford to give so much energy away fighting for this cause and getting even more angry and frustrated, as all it does is create a series of never decreasing circles. I am angry and this shows when I ring book stores and other outlets and so they don't order my book, then I get even more angry and so it goes on.

It is time I learnt to step back and realised that it is not my job to save the world. In one way or another I have been fighting all my life - fighting to be seen as a child in the playground, fighting for my parents love, fighting for acceptance from my peers, fighting for acknowledgement and fair treatment from various employers. In the end it boils down to the fact that deep down inside I have never accepted myself for who and what I am, and others have simply held a mirror up to face, and reflected that back at me.

It is not my job to save the world, but rather, my job to save myself. I say this in the knowledge that they are actually the same thing, for if I can learn to accept myself and the things that I see around me, then there will no longer be a need to fight in the first place. The pain that we feel is caused by our own resistance to what is happening around us. By accepting or rather, surrendering to the pain and looking for the lesson within, the pain diminishes and slowly dies, for the emotion is then neutralised.

The other side to this is that I need to put much more of my heart and soul into my work. The reason my colleague has been undermining me in the way that he has is because I have not been sufficiently present when at work. He has said several times that he did not realise I was talking to customers when I questioned him about why he butted in, and I did not understand how he could have felt this, but now I do. When one's energy and one's heart is elsewhere, as mine has been at work, you cannot be seen and cannot be heard and cannot be acknowledged, that is why he quite literally did not see that I was there with those customers and saying those things, for the simple reason that I was not. It is astoundingly simple and obvious when I think about it, and changes will be made to rectify this, starting on Monday.

Borders part 3

Continuing on from yesteday, it just goes to show that no does not necessarily mean no. I approached the Borders head office some time ago, sending them a copy, as per the Store Manager's suggestion, and about two days later I got a polite letter back saying they would not be stocking it. I then remembered the MBS group at the Kingston branch and contacted them again, got booked in and before I know what is happening they have ordered 20 copies and have put it on the company's orering system, so that any branch in the UK can now order them and it is actually a stocked title ! Richard will be delighted no doubt when Paul and I both speak to him later on today.

I forgot to mention as well that I had a reading with a friend on Monday and one of the questions I asked was re the book cover and does it need to be changed. I had already spoken to Martin on friday, who is the partner of Marion who runs the Journey group at St Michaels. He is very artistic I have recently discovered (see some of his work here) and I thought he may be ideal to do a new cover for me. He jumped at the chance and has asked me to ring him when I have some more ideas and information. Paul's son is also an artist and has offered to help.

Anyway, though Diana, the lady who did my reading suggested that a few minor changes will be needed probably in the New Year, possibly around spring time, once the new energies come in. Nothing major just to simplify things really though. She suggested that the idea I had re the couple walking out of the sea may be too muchd detail, but not to worry or think about this too much, because like before, the details will be shown to me. This is not a reflection either on the first cover and the fact that this too was shown to me by spirit, as what was right then is not necessarily right now or in the future. I need to work on energising the book a little more and really empowering it Diana said, to get it out there and seen and recognised for what it is, and also so that I, as the author will be seen and ackknowledged as an authority on the subjects that it contains. I must say though that the news from Borders last night is very encouraging and an excellent first step on the road towards achieving those things. Will have to ring Richard later on then and add the details to both of my websites.

In the meantime, must get some breakfast, my belly is rumbling like mad .....

Spirit are delighted with my choice

April 19

I have just got back from a reading with my friend Diana Summer. It seems that spirit are delighted that I have taken control with the book, and are thoroughly pleased with my choice. It is nice to have their approval!

I was told that people will use the book in a lot of different ways - but primarily as a reference work for their own research. It is, to the best of my knowledge, the only book that puts all these different themes together in one volume. There are loads of books that talk of different aspects that I have written about, but no one has brought it together under a proper time line the way that I have. Those publishers who said no will be kicking themselves I feel. Their loss will be my gain.