Sunday, April 27, 2008

Random thoughts on yesterday and what it all means

Random thoughts about yesterday then. Reading one of the books that I bought yesterday - A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle, has brought much to the surface for me to look at. This is no doubt the reason why I have resisted buying this book for so long - it has been out for some time. Yesterday though, with all the time in the world, idling at my stall, the book was just too tempting not to pick up and read. I was tempted for a few seconds to buy it from from Amazon, but then remembered all that has gone on in recent weeks, and decided that this was not a good or even God idea (some typos are divinely inspired too!), and I paid full price, thus giving a further donation to the Brigitte Trust and helping to actively promote fair trade, at the same time acknowledging and honouring Waterstones for the opportunity to sell my own books at their stall. It was in the scheme of things, a small price to pay.

Back to those revelations though - I was observing myself yesterday, and noticed that I was not fully present at all. It was sods law that it happened to be the warmest day of the year so far, and I would so much rather have been out enjoying the sun and walking around the Hill. I was making very little effort really to engage those who browsed the stall in conversation, and when they did approach and look at my book, I told them that it was my book. It is not though my book, as this implies ownership. This has for me then highlighted just how much work I still need to do to release this book back to the universe so that it can fly to the hearts and the minds of those who need to read it. It has also shown that there is a need to watch my language!

I am still keeping it far too close to me, holding on tight, afraid to let it go. I too am afraid to let go and put my head above the parapet and see what happens. You see the thing is, by getting book stores to sell the book, I am giving them the responsibility for what happens next, and handing it over to them, but when it comes to other types of promotion, such as fairs, talks and so on, I am forced to be on display with my wares, smiling and encouraging sales. As I have discovered, it is one thing to sell things at work, but quite another when it is your own creation, as you are not just selling your wares, but you are also selling yourself.

That to me then is the key - the two - myself and the book, have become so intertwined, that there is no longer a separation between the two. Diana brought this home to me sharply three weeks ago, and although I did go through the motions of a releasing ceremony to get the stuck energy moving again, it was just that - going through the motions - my heart and my soul have not been in it, as I was not really ready to let go. Yesterday though presented me with another opportunity to look at myself and change, and for that I am grateful.

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