One hell of a ride

Today it looks very much like I will soon be out of a job. We were told at work some time ago that a big announcement would be made to the City today regarding the future of the company and where we were heading, and it was not good news.

Our parent company have decided to close 77 stores. Most of these closures will come about in the form of natural wastage - simply put the stores will close as and when their leases expire. The lease in our store expires at the end of July, and so it seems that mine will be too, and I will have to look for a new job.

While this is still not official, it is as good as a done deal. While I had been half expecting this for several months, it has still come as a bit of a shock to find that despite my rantings about the job on here, I have got used to going there four mornings each week and interacting with the customers.

The publishing world in the meantime, continues to make waves regarding the firm sale debate, which has now moved from Publishing News and onto The Bookseller. This is good, as it means I can post comments of my own, and maybe get some kind of dialogue going. There are one or two independent book sellers who have already added their own comments, and appear to have similar views to my own.

The article on The Bookseller does not say much that Publishing News did not, but whitters on about how unfair it is that book sellers should have to bear the risk, and heaven forbid, actually be responsible enough to carry the can for their own buying decisions. One retailer has said that the changes will affect areas such as academic titles, backlist titles bought for signing sessions, and marketing promotions, all of which would be counted as backlist, but would not be stocked by booksellers if they could not be returned.

The head of one retail chain, whom the article does not name, added that the level of returns was "ridiculous", and that he was sceptical about the motives behind a firm sale move. "There's a touch of green wash in recognising an opportunity to do something really significant in changing terms but dressing it up in green clothing," he said. "I believe that a move that forces improved efficiency is not necessarily a bad thing, but that comment applies to publishers and agents as it does to retailers." Same old, same old...

Another article, this time from Publishing News, states that publishers are reacting angrily to a crude attempt by Amazon to increase its discount. This will no doubt be of interest to my publishing friends across the pond. It is interesting to see that Amazon's demands are as I predicted some time ago, also affecting commercial publishers, and are no longer confined to the self publishing sector through print on demand, not that they ever were, since these days most commercial publishers also use this printing method at least for backlists. The debate re discounting has forced the issue much more into the open, and it is interesting to see the parallels here between the firm sale issue and this issue with Amazon, for if the book sellers get their way, then higher discounting will become the norm rather than the exception, in order to compensate for the loss of returnability.

It seems that Amazon are doing exactly what they did to the print on demand publishers - going from publisher to publisher with extortionate demands, and if they do not persuade one publisher to play ball, then going back to the first house and saying that X has agreed to such and such.

Publishers say that this isn't the first time this has happened, and they are angry and fed up. One unnamed spokesperson said: “UK publishers already give the biggest terms in the world, far larger than the US and Australia. What we see is Amazon attempting a strategy of world domination. In the US, we've already seen them demanding that publishers use their facility for print on demand. It seems that the only people who benefit in the value chain are Amazon. They already have 15 percent of the market in the UK.”

Publishing News estimates that if Amazon continue to grow at this rate, their market share will have doubled to 30 percent within three years. There is then a very real danger that this will result in book store closures. The article goes on to say what Angela Hoy and others like myself have been saying for months, namely that Amazon will then be in a position of such dominance that they will be able to dictate whatever terms they want and destabilise the entire market.

One CEO went as far as to hint that the Competition Commission should look at the situation, although others were not so certain. It certainly hasn't got print on demand authors very far in America. It seems that like the US, the Competition Com­mission here in Britain, pays little heed to protecting the interests of authors and publishers. Perhaps when Amazon do get to the stage where they have 25 percent of the market then they might be interested, but I suspect that by then it will already be too late, as hundreds of book stores, and small presses will have been driven out of business unable to compete with Amazon's aggressive pricing strategies and free deliveries.

Print on demand publishers may have found an ally, since one CEO commented that his company are not moving one single inch, and are if necessary prepared to lose a years sales with Amazon. I say good luck to him. He will need it.

The rise in the Internet does not impact only book sellers, as it is in many ways also responsible for the almost certain loss of my own job. How though do you stop this slide - the answer as always lies within the hands of the buyers - they have to change their attitudes away from themselves and immediate gratification to one of long term gain that benefits all. Everything in time always goes full circle, and in time it will swing back, but in the meantime I feel that we are in for an interesting ride. Where this will end up I do not know, but one thing I do know is that the scenery will be magnificent.

Green and Blacks (sadly not chocolate!)

My mid week news report from around the publishing world comes via some interesting stories on Publishing News. The first one is entitled "Rand attacks Green excuse". It is, as expected, about the firm sale debate - that is, moves towards firm sale on back list titles in a bid to reduce returns. The industry is understandably perhaps, but also predictably, not exactly happy at the prospect of the risk of these books not selling, being shifted on to them. Personally I think that it is well overdue, and I suspect that the majority of independent authors and publishers would agree with me.

The article states that in his inaugural speech as BA President, Graham Rand of Bertrams/THE (remember that Bertrams are one of the largest wholesalers in the UK and that the wholesalers control the supply chain) attacked what he termed the "green excuse" which is being used by some publishers to impose firm sale on back list titles. He claimed that this move threatened to disturb what had hitherto been "superb cooperation" by all sides of the industry on a range of environmental issues, with members both large and small, deeply concerned.

He went on to say that the returns question is a complex issue (not from where I am sitting) and worthy of discussion, but changes should only be made with agreement, and not imposed (pity Gardners didn't think of that when they dumped those 71 books on me back in February). The best though is yet to come, as he added that any new agreement would need to address the question of compensation if risk moves from one side of the business to the other.

No one compensated me when those aforementioned books were dumped in my living room back in February, and no one even bothered to ask or let me know it was happening, or Richard come to that. No, they just did what they decided was right without even bothering to ask my opinion. I would be fair to say that this was imposed upon me, without discussion and certainly without one single thought as to how it would affect me.

Why then should book sellers have the right to start claiming compensation for this when they do not give us that right? No one points a gun at their heads and forces them to buy certain books, okay maybe the public do, by asking for them, but that is business and if they don’t like that, then they are in the wrong business to begin with. Maybe though they could say that about me, as I have to be fair here and say that I did know that there was a risk that I would have some returns to deal with, but if they want us to play fair with them then that needs to be reciprocal, and so far I have little evidence that it is, or they ever intend to start treating independent authors and publishers fairly. Perhaps more to the point, these are decisions that they make whether or not to buy books, and they should have to live by the consequences of those decisions - what has happened to personal responsibility - and more to the point, why should authors and publishers have to bear the brunt of their mistakes?

The way the industry treats both authors and publishers is in my opinion, little short of blackmail. They have us over the proverbial barrow, as if we refuse to cooperate, they will not sell our books. This may sound extreme, but think on this for a moment, if you will. Independent authors cannot get their books into the majority of stores unless they are available on high discount (at least 40 percent) and sale or return (for this read that the book seller has the right to return those books back to the wholesaler, often in poor condition, at any time within a year). The wholesaler of course also reserves the right to return books to the publisher, should they find that they have too much stock.

If you will not, or cannot do business on these terms, then your books are effectively black listed and you cannot even get through the door. Make no bones about it, this is blackmail, and it is also unfair trading, that keeps authors out and stops them from reaching a maximum audience. After all, the Internet may be booming, but the majority of books are still bought in stores, as nothing can or will replace the thrill of browsing and the book shop atmosphere. Self publishers complain about Amazon and what they are up to, but the real problem in my opinion is the rest of the supply chain. They are the ones we should be wary of.

Maybe there is a risk that booksellers will stock less books, and make fewer sales, but to be quite honest, they will know what it bloody well feels like! Until I managed to push through the closed shop that the publishing industry is to the average self published author, with their outrageous demands of higher and higher discounts, and the right to return books at any time, often in poor condition, within one year of sale, I stood no chance of being stocked in most book stores at all. That well used phrase from the Bible springs to mind "do unto others as you would have done unto you". Another perhaps less spiritual one also to ponder on is - "what goes around comes around".

In the meantime, the industry has unveiled a new green initiative in the form of a brand new website http://www.green4books.org.uk/ aimed at raising environmental awareness within the publishing industry and helping to affect change.

There is of course far more to this issue than just returns, important though that is - it is also about using sustainable paper and ink, non polluting transport for both transporting books and staff, and all those other little things that businesses need - right down to buying fair trade tea and coffee. All these things and more (apart from the tea and coffee perhaps) are discussed in detail on the new site, and I recommend that you take a look.

The Guardian blog also has an interesting article on whether being a successful writer is really worth all the effort, or all it is cracked up to be. Although she was greatly honoured to receive such an accolade, Doris Lessing, winner of the Nobel prize for literature states in the article that since she won the award, she has been so busy giving interviews etc, that she does not have the time to write.

The unpublished or struggling author may find this attitude strange, but actually I can understand where she is coming from. Writers are by nature a solitary bunch. We are good at writing because we are good at observing - people, ideas and situations from a distance, we work best on our own, as we are deep thinkers who need time on our own to perfect our craft, away from distractions. Because of this, we are not so good at publicity and self promotion, shying away from the limelight.

In my case, although I work with the public four days a week, I am far better and far more comfortable communicating via the Internet and by phone than I am face to face (the fact that through my telemarketing campaign I managed to get into all those Waterstones, proves my point). Given the choice and the opportunity, I would much rather have a desk job where I did not have to deal with the public face to face, dealing with their foibles and idiosyncrasies.

Success and failure can, as Joseph Heller points out, both be very difficult to endure. I have had a taste of both, several times, in my 42 years and 11 months on this planet, and I expect I have a lot more of both still to come. Along with success comes the so-called celebrity status, which can lead to various forms of escapism - drink, drugs, etc, but also the break up of relationships, as well as constant doubts as to whether someone is with you for just your fame/money, hangers on, depression, anxiety and so on.

Failure, or what we perceive as failure, also has its price - more anxiety and depression, and feeling that you and what you stand for is a complete and utter waste of time and space. Heck, some writers I know are terrified of success, and deliberately choose not to even try and get published in case they can't cope with a) the rejection and b) any success they do have. This is tragic, as you have to follow your dreams to the end, no matter where they take you.

People often make the mistake of believing that success must always mean monetary success, but it is not about this at all - it is about how you feel about yourself, and it is also about having faith that what you have written will reach the people that need to read it. I did not write my book for myself, I wrote it for others, so that you could learn and grow, understanding more about themselves, and more about this world that we live in.

You may sell 1 million copies of a book, but if no one understands it and it does not contain your heart and your soul, then no one will benefit from this. If the other hand, you sell just one copy of your book, and the message that it contains changes someones life, then you have been successful. I know which I would choose every time, and I know which I fall into as well. That makes me a huge success in my eyes, and that is all that I need to know.

News from the publishing world this week

There have been several interesting stories in the publishing press this week, the first of which concerns Waterstones, who are of course, the UK's largest and most influential book seller. The Bookseller Online reports that their business is very much in a growth phase, as the company has seen like for like growth in the last 16 weeks of the financial year jump by 6.6 percent.

MD Gerry Johnson said that this was largely attributed to a very strong performance from books, which are at the heart of this growth. The performance bodes well for the full year results, due for release on July 1st. Total sales at Waterstone's at the moment, are up by 4.7 percent compared to last year, with expected turnover of £563m, compared with £537.5m in 2007. This is an excellent record for such a competitive market given the fact that we are supposed to be heading into a recession, and it just goes to show the maybe the British public do value books after all, as they are obviously still spending money on them - including my own one - Genesis of Man.

Waterstones very much have the edge over Borders, as most of their branches are in town centres, and able to capitalise on passing trade as well as the lunch time brigade who visit during the working day, as indeed I often do. They seem to have found the correct balance between the needs of both authors and readers, which Borders have so far failed to do, and this is obviously paying dividends - in more ways than one!

Tesco in the meantime, has unveiled plans to double its own book sales within the next three years to £200m, and are also looking to directly challenge Amazon online. Whether this is a good thing remains to be seen, and I suppose will depend upon your point of view. I think though they may have their work cut out, as although their online inventory must be almost as large as Amazon's, people associate them more with top 40 paperbacks and celebrity titles than anything else, and there is of course far more to book selling than just this.

That being said, the company saw in growth in sales during 2006 of 16.6 percent volume and 19.15 percent in value, giving them a market share of some 10 percent. They are still then a force to be reckoned with.

Research from consumer rights agency Next Best Thing, confirms this week what I have long suspected - that it is not reviews or media coverage that drive sales of books, but rather, good quality displays in store.

The research, commissioned by The Bookseller surveyed 1000 people across the UK, one quarter of whom claimed to get information regarding new books and authors from such displays. This does make sense when you think about it, as I know from my own experience that the majority of books that I buy are those that I discover from just browsing the shelves. It goes to show just how important it is for the newly published to get their books into as many stores as possible, as it is the act of being on the shelves that drives that demand in the first place. It is just a shame that the majority of small and self publishers cannot afford the fees demanded by the chains for good placement and promotions that would drive their sales even more, but such is life. Sooner or later things always go full circle anyway, and our time will come, perhaps sooner than we think.

These findings overturn all conventional wisdom on the subject, which found that word of mouth is the most powerful tool for driving sales and creating best sellers. This is probably true to a large extent, but it is is true that this success would not happen if the books were not in the stores to begin with - as they have to be available.

The survey forms part of Reading the Future, a major consumer trends report to celebrate the 150th anniversary of The Bookseller. Other areas covered include cover design, discounting (the results of this one will be interesting), formats, browsing behaviour and emerging genres. Results will be viewed by people’s age, social group and current reading habits, and put in the context of wider cultural and economic patterns. I will look out for the full results when they are published and do my best to report back on here.

Talking of discounting, I see that Mexico has voted by a massive majority to introduce fixed book prices. Hallelujah ! The law was adopted by the Senate on 29th April by 107 votes in favour, with just two against and five abstentions, according to the French weekly Livres bdo.

This is the second time in recent years that the Mexican parliament has voted in favour of such legislation. The new law, which seems entirely sensible to me, if passed, will ban all discounts on retail book prices for the first three years after publication. This will not include school text books for elementary and lower secondary schools, which are bought by the State - I wonder why that is ! ?

This seems to be part of a growing trend, as many European countries also have such legislation, indeed, we did here in our own country until 1995. Such legislation now applies to much of Western Europe - including Austria, Denmark, France, Germany, Greece, the Netherlands, Norway, Portugal and Spain. Israel is also working towards a fixed book price. Israeli ambassador to France Daniel Shek said in March that a single book price "will happen sooner or later, whether by agreement or legislation". Perhaps it will also be re-introduced here, for the sake of both book sellers and writers.

Standing Still

A funny thing seems to have happened this weekend - it is almost as if time has stood still, yet at the same time, I have been aware of it moving very quickly as well. When I had my reading with Diana Summer a few weeks ago, she said that once I began to let go I would find that I seemed to have more time for a lot of things, and was no longer running around like a headless chicken. It seems that she was right.

It seems in many ways, to have a even busier weekend than normal. It began on Friday with a trip to the gym and then the supermarket. I find I am getting very fit and strong these days, and I love the way my body looks - I am developing arm muscles that I never had before, and my shoulders have a nice defined look at them. This is no doubt helped by my job - lifting and carrying objects, which in some cases, are almost as big as I am. When I first joined the gym at the beginning of last year, I could not use the treadmills for more than a few minutes without holding on to the rail to steady myself, and I struggled to lift more than 7 kilos. Now I can walk or cycle comfortably for half an hour if not more, at up to 6 kms an hour and comfortably lift more than twice as much. I will perhaps never be a runner, but have always been a walker, preferring a steady pace, and I enjoy the satisfaction of continually pushing myself to reach a goal.

Friday continued with a few calls to book shops and other outlets - Watkins Books in London, and the Head Office of Blackwells, the academic book seller. In the case of Watkins they requested the obligatory free copy, which I told them I would not send since the first one was ignored - I will however send an email instead. With Blackwells, whom I was trying to contact with a view to them stocking my book, I got the obligatory answerphone masquerading as the Buying Team. I will wait and see if they call me back on Monday (by which time I will be back at work anyway), but won't hold my breath, as I have been there and done that. If I don't hear then I expect I will bite the bullet and send them a copy anyway, having spoken to Richard first. Their stores would be a good outlet for my work, especially since it seems to be going down so well now with the students at Arizona State University in America.

This was followed by a lazy afternoon lounging around the viewpoint, sitting in the sun, drinking tea and reading A New Earth. I am almost halfway through the book now - after 2 weeks and it has certainly made a big difference to my life. I still find myself slipping back into the old egocentric ways, but at least now I am much more aware of when I do that, and can see what lies underneath it rather than becoming embroiled and believing that the voice in the head is who I am.

I suppose that is what I love about Lundy - the ability it gives me to completely disengage from the mind chatter and get out of my mind completely - trust me on this - it's the only place to be!

Yesterday the day began with Coran and I visiting the Village Hall for an event that was being put on by the Hall Committee - the Village Fun Day. This was a chance to network with various people from around the Hill, gathering news and gossip for the forthcoming edition of the village newsletter that I edit. The copy deadline is looming once again! I got home and wrote up the various stories that I have been working on - issues around Council Tax banding, a sponsored walk in aid of the Royal Marsden Hospital, and Prince William and Harry's recent visit to Headley Court, amongst other things. I also wrote a piece about the Fun Day itself, with a list of the regular events that take place in the Hall.

Then it was lunch time, followed by a trip into town to get a skirt for work - it is becoming too hot now for trousers, and I thought that if I flash some leg, it might help me to sell a few more things to the younger male customers!

The evening was a busy one as well, with phone calls to be made once again for the village newsletter - to the Secretary for the Roads Association, the Secretary for the Residents Association on our mobile home park, and then to the District Councillor to see if she could help with some legal information regarding the Council Tax banding situation. She couldn't, so I emailed a company called Park Home Legal Services instead, whom I found via the Internet. I will be seeing the District Councillor at the Neighbourhood Council meeting tomorrow anyway, so we can bring each other up to date on various things then.

It was funny though, because Coran and I both thought that Casualty, one of the few television programmes that I still like to watch, was on at 8.45pm, and I ended up stuck on the phone sorting out these various issues until 9.15pm. I switched the TV on anyway to catch what I thought would be the end, only to find that I had got the time wrong and it started at 9.20pm after all ! Isn't the universe wonderful when you let go of expectations and begin to go with the flow !

So, today promises to be yet another sweltering day - and another busy one. Coran and I are off to the gym in a moment before it gets too hot, we will then no doubt stop at the viewpoint to catch the breeze and some more sun, before coming home to cook lunch and do the laundry for next week - the whites are whizzing round as I speak. After that I have to go and interview my subject for this months centrespread and take some more photographs to accompany the text, and then well, we will see what happens.

What a busy weekend then it has been - five weeks and 6 days to go to Lundy and counting ... Not that I am wishing my life away you understand.

The meaning of life

I had a strange dream in that moment of transition between sleep and wakefulness, the exact details of which I can no longer recall. I do recall though that my sister Linda was there - an unusual occurrence in itself given that she suffers from schizophrenia, and our relationship is not exactly what you call best friends.

From the few details that I do remember, the dream was based around the island of Lundy, where I retreat to two, maybe three times a year, in order to recharge my batteries. Somehow or other I had got locked out of the cottage, with all my possessions inside - everything that I needed to sustain me and keep me warm from the rapidly encroaching darkness as night fell. Linda and I needed to get help to get back into the cottage before this happened, and while she seemed totally unconcerned, I was searching around, desperately looking for help and wondering whether we had time to get that help before it was too late. It was at that point that the alarm clock went off and I had to get out of bed. I would not normally set the alarm clock of course for a Bank Holiday, but I do work in retail, and so to me, it is just another working day - albeit slightly shorter and with more pay.

It occurred to me while I was in the shower, that perhaps this is about letting go of my own baggage. Diana Summer mentioned some while ago that the Terminal 5 baggage fiasco was also about this - where thousands of bags belonging to air passengers failed to arrive at their destination, and weeks later have still not been found. The fact that the darkness was encroaching was also no doubt, about my own willingness, or perhaps lack of it, to look at my own darkness. I think most of us are afraid of this, and I am no exception here. I also think, or rather feel, that I have made a very good start.

For the first time I actually understand experientially as well as conceptually what that phrase "choose a new reality" really means, and I also understand at last, just how powerful our words and our thoughts really are. It is not something that you can explain to another, as to coin a phrase from Genesis of Man "Words are the least effective way of describing our experiences, as they are merely symbols which are used to describe our thoughts and feelings". When Descartes said "I think, therefore I am" perhaps what he should have said is "I feel, therefore I am".

We have to be willing to let go of everything that we are, and everything that we ever have been if we are to understand who we are truly are. When I think about this, I see transsexuals in many ways as the ultimate in this - for these are people who are willing to give up their whole sense of identity - changing their bodies, their names and literally starting all over again to order to find who they truly are inside. On the other side of the coin are the refugees and 'victims' of various atrocities, who have lost their livelihood, their homes and their loved ones - and seen things that are the stuff of nightmares.

Nadine Laman has an interesting take on this in her May newsletter, where she speaks about the recent Amazon debate and relates this to the need to appreciate what we have and support what is important to us. Most people take for granted that which they love, until it too late and it is gone. She relates this to changes within the book industry, and how one day we will wake up and find out that print books are no more, and have been replaced by emails and CD-roms instead. She urges her readers to not wait to buy books that are interested in, or one day they may wake up and realise that it is too late - those books are no more, as their authors have been forced out of business, unable to make a living.

You could equate this with anything I suppose, like failing to vote, or not valuing your loved ones, but the world is changing before our eyes (change being the only constant in the universe), and if we allow ourselves to get too complacent, and just sit around not looking to the future, then that change will happen regardless, and we may not even notice.

Most readers of course have no idea of what is going on in the book industry (I have very little idea of what goes on in music, even though I buy CD's), and for that matter, many writers and authors do not keep up to date either. One thing we can be sure of is that although the format for books may change, books themselves will always be here in one form or another. Books will also have a shorter life and shelf span (it is currently between three to six months on average), as more of them become available, and the window of opportunity will gets shorter and shorter for an authors success. It is important then not to be complacent, and to support the writers that you like, and not wait until those books are off the shelf.

So, don’t wait (or worse still, expect) to be given a free book and then loan it to everyone you know. Writers, like you, are entitled to make a living, and cannot do so if no one buys their books. As Nadine says, one day, it may be a day late and a dollar (or pound) short to have what you treasure. Life is precious indeed and all too short, we should embrace it and live it fully while we can, for one day it will be gone and we will be left wondering where it all went. Don't take it for granted that the things that you enjoy and get meaning from will always be there, they won't unless you nurture them and look after them. So, value life, value books, and most of all, value yourself.

The voice of reason and common sense

It will not have gone unnoticed that I have been somewhat preoccupied of late with some deeply personal issues. I have not mentioned what has been going on in publishing for a good few weeks. Yesterday though, I did briefly mention the so-called Amazon debate, and how it is actually impossible for them to withdraw books from their site, as this is fed to them via the ISBN agency, Nielson Bookdata.

A letter from my own esteemed editor, and owner of Authors OnLine Ltd, Richard Fitt, only serves to confirm this. The letter, which can be read in both the May edition of Writers Forum, and on the Authors OnLine website , refers to a letter from one Dave Patten, which appeared in a previous edition of said magazine. I have not seen Dave's letter, since I rarely buy Writers Forum, preferring the rival publication Writing and Writers News, but from what I can gather in reading Richard's reply, Mr Patten was somewhat enraged at Amazon discounting his book, and as he saw it, demeaning its value. He claims to have asked Amazon to remove his book from their site.

As Richard points out, this is impossible, and the book is of course, despite Mr Patten's protests, still very much alive and kicking. It is in fact, impossible to prevent any one trader from selling any one book via their site without completely withdrawing it from the distribution system.

Many authors seem totally unaware as to how this works, being ignorant of exactly how such sites keep updated. The fact is, that Amazon (and other websites such as Play, Tesco etc) get their data feed from ISBN agencies such as Nielsen Bookdata, so if you register your ISBN with Nielson (which you have to do), then the book will be on these sites whether you like it or not. In most cases (certain larger publishers do sell direct to Amazon if they keep an inventory of books in stock), books are not sold directly to individual Internet based sellers. This is not then under the control of either the publisher or author, but something that happens automatically as long as you have an ISBN.

The supply of these books to such outlets is controlled as always, by the wholesalers and distributors - which in the UK means Gardners and Bertrams. They will supply to anyone who has an account with them and cetainly, no distributor would take a book on the basis that it was NOT sold to Amazon, or anyone else for that matter, as it would be cutting their own throats. It would be virtually impossible to police and may well be contrary to anti-trade laws.

As Richard also points out, in a free economy such as what we have here in the UK, a trader is entitled to sell goods for any price that they deem fit, even if they make loss. That is their concern and not something that we as authors should worry about. It is not as if we lose anything. Genesis of Man is supplied via Gardners to these outlets at 40 percent discount and this is the price that Gardners invoice them for. If Amazon choose to knock more off the cover price then that comes out of their profits and not mine, so why should I be concerned?

The thing we should all be much more concerned about is the sale of new and used copies via these sites, as in many cases they are misleasdingly advertised, and come from dubious sources - gallies for example or review copies. Many of those advertised as 'used' are not in fact used at all, but brand new copies hot off the presses. Richard claims to have tested this by ordering these so-called 'used copies' only to find new ones appearing through the door, alongside a bill from Lightning Source for printing costs!

These copies appear within weeks or even days of a books release, at ridiculous prices, and there is no attempt to differentiate between books in and out of print. Even after books have been withdrawn from the system, copies continue to show on these sites, advertised as both new and used. These must all be used though, as new books are no longer being printed. Neither author nor publisher get one single penny from such sales, while the customer has no way of checking the authenticity of the product until it is too late.

In some ways, Amazon and print on demand are perfect bed fellows, and I can certainly understand why my American counterparts were so upset at what they are doing across the Atlantic. Amazon do not have to hold stock of any of our books, do not insist on returnability, and you know that print on demand books can always be quickly obtained via this source. This I suppose is the secret of their success, and without them, much as I hate to admit it, my life would be a lot more difficult, and I would not sell nearly so many books, as obtaining books via this route is so much easier for everyone concerned.

I do not know how Amazon.com get their stock, but can only assume it is fed to them via the US ISBN agency, which makes me wonder how much of this debate has been blown completely out of proportion. For if they source books via the same route in the US, then they cannot be withdrawn from Amazon.com either, and none of the arguments that people have used to justify their ego driven attacks on Amazon hold sway. I have to include myself in this, as for weeks, I became far too embroiled in this debate, transferring all the anger and all the frustration that I felt onto this one company, in a desperate attempt to not only hold on to those emotions, but also to find authors in the US who were willing to go allow with this whole charade, thus maintaining my egocentric rantings and keeping me in the pain, so that I did not have to look at the source of these feelings.

Awareness becoming aware of itself

It is almost one whole month since I had that fateful reading with Diana Summer, where she told me that my sense of self was so bound up in my book that it was preventing the book from fulfilling its true potential, as I was unable to separate it from my sense of self, and it therefore was not free. It is only now one month later, that I am beginning to finally realise what Diana meant.

When a young child begins to learn language and recognise sounds, one of the first words that it learns to recognise is the one that represents it's name - in my case, June. The child thus begins to equate this word with their sense of self; the word that represents their name becomes a thought and the thought behind that word becomes who they are. The name is not who they are, but merely a mental abstract, a symbol which represents who we believe that we are. It is interesting that children at this stage of individuation refer to themselves in the third person, for example, "June is hungry or thirsty", almost as if they are observing themselves. Who though is the observer? Answer - the real them that is locked inside.

As the child develops, they cease to refer themselves in this way. The next stage in their development entails learning how to designate certain things as theirs - "my toy" or in my case, "my book", and so it goes on. This carries forward into our adult lives, as we learn to define ourselves and our sense of self through not just things, but also through our jobs, our relationships, our skin colour, our religion and all those other things that we use as adults to describe and define who we are. None of these things are really who we are at all, but are merely distractions of the ego, tools that we use in order to feel better about ourselves in relation to others, and convince ourselves that we are somehow different or unique.

Who we actually are beneath all of this, as our Gnostic forebears also discovered, is awareness becoming aware of who we are.

Today I have been carefully watching my thoughts and observing how many times the word I, or mine, enters my head. It is amazing how many times it does. I have discovered attachments to not just the book, but virtually everything that I own - my record collection, my clothes, my photographs from my travels around the world, even my handbag and the shoes that I wear to work each day - if I did not associate so much with these items then I would not go into a flap when I cannot find them, as it would not matter to me!

I also though I have learnt, define myself through my story, all the things that have 'happened' to me and which life has thrown at me - both the good and the so-called bad. The ego loves the drama of it all, and so it creates drama where there is none - through the so-called Amazon debate for example, which I allowed myself to get far too het up about, when most of the things that have been said do not affect me at all. It is impossible for them to withdraw print on demand books from their site, since the information is fed to them directly through a feed from Nielson Bookdata, the ISBN agency here in the UK.

So, I have decided that from now on, I have to mind my language, and if I don't like the things that are happening around me, then I can choose a new reality, and my life will change accordingly. It is all a state of mind, and ultimately a state of being. I don't have to be anything other than myself.

This is not to get bereft and beat myself up for behaving the way the way that I have done, for this is a futile exercise that creates nothing but guilt. No, I simply learn from my experiences and move on to the next one, knowing that I have the power to create anything that I want in my life. In using the word want, all I create is more wanting, and so I say to myself that I do not want success, I already have it. And so I do, and all is well with the world.