Wish me luck!

It has been a week now since I got back from Lundy, and somehow I have not felt like blogging at all. Neither can I be bothered to keep looking to see what is happening in the book world, the impetus to do these things just seems to have gone. It just doesn't seem important.

For the first two days after I got back, it felt like I was on cloud nine. I was bursting with energy and confidence, and got some really good sales at work. Then Wednesday came, and with it my day off, and something seemed to shift. It seemed like there was so much to do - go the gym, get the food shopping, go to Edenbridge to get the books that my friend Sue had not sold at the Winchester Book Festival. It was chucking down with rain as well which didn't help. I found myself loitering on the computer just to fill in the time, and using it as a distraction, which is a bad habit of mine, and one that I need to break. When I went back to work on Thursday then the sense of melancholy and disquiet had returned with a vengeance, and most of my get up and go had well, got up and gone.

At lunch time today I had the strangest feeling that I needed to go to Waterstones. So I trotted up there, not really knowing why, as I had no intention of buying books, only to see a sign in the window, full time book seller wanted. My evenings task then is to fill it in and take it back again tomorrow.

How wonderful that would be from both an authors and book lovers point of view, to work for Britain's largest and most influential book seller. Wish me luck !

Amazon in meltdown?

The great Amazon debate has at long last made it on the pages of one of our national dailies, in this instance, The Daily Telegraph. An article on the online edition, written by Nick Allen says the online retailer could be facing a strike by authors and publishers as it becomes embroiled in an increasingly bitter dispute with publisher Hachette Livre.

All the groups titles have seen their buy buttons removed in a dispute over terms. These books are still available via Amazon marketplace through re-sellers and third parties, but as the article states, the publisher does not earn a bean from these sales.

Actually this is not strictly true. It is true that they earn nothing from the sale of second hand books, but not true when it comes to third party sellers, since these have to buy the books from somewhere, and it is not other retailers. No, they get their stock direct from the publisher, or through the usual wholesalers, whose terms are just as high as Amazon's. Amazon has been singled out not because of what they have done, but because of the dishonest way in which they have done it, by going from one publisher to the next, lying about the terms negotiated with rival publishers and using this as a battering ram to get others to comply. This is not something that wholesalers do, as their terms are equal across the board and totally transparent.

This move then is aimed at forcing Hachette to sell to Amazon on terms which are simply put, unacceptable. As CEO Tim Hely Hutchinson said: "In Britain the terms publishers give to retailers are the highest in the world and more than half of the price of a book goes to the retailer. We have collectively been too soft in our negotiations and we are trying to make a stand. "Amazon put pressure on us and took the 'buy' button off a number of prominent authors' books on their website. We don't like it and our authors don't like it."

As Amazon continues to grow, Mr Hely Hutchinson warned that independent book sellers, as well as authors, would be the victims. Given their current state of growth, it is entirely possible that within five years readers outside the major city centres may face the prospect of having no choice but to either buy online, or obtain books from supermarkets, which do not exactly carry deep range.

While it is true that Amazon has helped authors, in particularly the self published and independent ones whose books are not stocked by the larger chains, this dispute has the potential to seriously undermine their sales and credibility.

To punish the authors, without whom Amazon would have no business, is seriously not on, and they would be wise to remember that without us to write the books, there would be no business. There is after all, only so much we can and will take, and Amazon have pushed just that little too far. It is heartening then to see such support for Hachette, with authors standing firm alongside and backing them all the way, even if it does affect their sales.

Of course none of this is really new though, since like I have said, so many times on this blog, the British publishing trade does sell their wares at much higher discount than any other country in the world. I never have thought it fair or reasonable that 40 percent of the cover price from my own book goes to the retailers who sell it, when all they do is press a few buttons and place it on the shelves. In contrast to this, in return for my five years of work writing this book, I earn the princely sum of £1.39 per copy. This is why I had to return to work, and this is why I am no longer around to help promote it, by telephoning book stores and being there to drive business. This is also why in February, those 71 books arrived back on my doorstep from Gardners.

That though is hopefully about to change, as at the time of writing they have just 18 copies in stock. Since they re-order when the level drops to 15, I am hoping and praying for 3 more orders before Thursday, so that I can despatch the 40 remaining copies that are still in my loft on to them before I depart for Lundy on Friday morning. So, if you wish to buy a copy then you know what to do - get down to your nearest friendly bookstore (or Amazon if you really must) and get ordering!

This will be an incredibly busy week for me, since I also have a missing parcel to track down, which was inadvertently sent to our old address (don't ask me how), and the village newsletter to finish. In between all of this I have to work every day between Monday and Thursday, go to the gym, get all my laundry done ready for the off, back up my computer files, fill up the car with petrol, check my tyres, lights, oil and water, pack my bags and collapse in a heap of exhaustion. It is just as well that I am owed five hours from work, as at least it means (with any luck) that I can go home early some days and make a start on all this 'stuff'. By the time I do get the island, at this rate, I will be fit to drop. Still, it will be worth it when I see her sailing into view.

I am so looking forward to this holiday, as it has been one hell of a stressful year. A year that has seen my hopes and dreams come crumbling down, as I have finally had to concede that despite my best efforts, I will probably never achieve the level of success of which I have dreamt. Still, I have achieved an awful lot, far more perhaps than most POD authors, since the books are stocked in an increasingly high number of Waterstones stores and independents, where they are selling very well indeed. Somehow though it has never felt enough, and so this year, I have had to learn to be happy with what I have got and stop beating myself up quite so hard.

This has entailed facing many demons and destructive belief systems, but with Corans help and support, and some good books written by some very talented authors, I am getting there.

Standing Still

A funny thing seems to have happened this weekend - it is almost as if time has stood still, yet at the same time, I have been aware of it moving very quickly as well. When I had my reading with Diana Summer a few weeks ago, she said that once I began to let go I would find that I seemed to have more time for a lot of things, and was no longer running around like a headless chicken. It seems that she was right.

It seems in many ways, to have a even busier weekend than normal. It began on Friday with a trip to the gym and then the supermarket. I find I am getting very fit and strong these days, and I love the way my body looks - I am developing arm muscles that I never had before, and my shoulders have a nice defined look at them. This is no doubt helped by my job - lifting and carrying objects, which in some cases, are almost as big as I am. When I first joined the gym at the beginning of last year, I could not use the treadmills for more than a few minutes without holding on to the rail to steady myself, and I struggled to lift more than 7 kilos. Now I can walk or cycle comfortably for half an hour if not more, at up to 6 kms an hour and comfortably lift more than twice as much. I will perhaps never be a runner, but have always been a walker, preferring a steady pace, and I enjoy the satisfaction of continually pushing myself to reach a goal.

Friday continued with a few calls to book shops and other outlets - Watkins Books in London, and the Head Office of Blackwells, the academic book seller. In the case of Watkins they requested the obligatory free copy, which I told them I would not send since the first one was ignored - I will however send an email instead. With Blackwells, whom I was trying to contact with a view to them stocking my book, I got the obligatory answerphone masquerading as the Buying Team. I will wait and see if they call me back on Monday (by which time I will be back at work anyway), but won't hold my breath, as I have been there and done that. If I don't hear then I expect I will bite the bullet and send them a copy anyway, having spoken to Richard first. Their stores would be a good outlet for my work, especially since it seems to be going down so well now with the students at Arizona State University in America.

This was followed by a lazy afternoon lounging around the viewpoint, sitting in the sun, drinking tea and reading A New Earth. I am almost halfway through the book now - after 2 weeks and it has certainly made a big difference to my life. I still find myself slipping back into the old egocentric ways, but at least now I am much more aware of when I do that, and can see what lies underneath it rather than becoming embroiled and believing that the voice in the head is who I am.

I suppose that is what I love about Lundy - the ability it gives me to completely disengage from the mind chatter and get out of my mind completely - trust me on this - it's the only place to be!

Yesterday the day began with Coran and I visiting the Village Hall for an event that was being put on by the Hall Committee - the Village Fun Day. This was a chance to network with various people from around the Hill, gathering news and gossip for the forthcoming edition of the village newsletter that I edit. The copy deadline is looming once again! I got home and wrote up the various stories that I have been working on - issues around Council Tax banding, a sponsored walk in aid of the Royal Marsden Hospital, and Prince William and Harry's recent visit to Headley Court, amongst other things. I also wrote a piece about the Fun Day itself, with a list of the regular events that take place in the Hall.

Then it was lunch time, followed by a trip into town to get a skirt for work - it is becoming too hot now for trousers, and I thought that if I flash some leg, it might help me to sell a few more things to the younger male customers!

The evening was a busy one as well, with phone calls to be made once again for the village newsletter - to the Secretary for the Roads Association, the Secretary for the Residents Association on our mobile home park, and then to the District Councillor to see if she could help with some legal information regarding the Council Tax banding situation. She couldn't, so I emailed a company called Park Home Legal Services instead, whom I found via the Internet. I will be seeing the District Councillor at the Neighbourhood Council meeting tomorrow anyway, so we can bring each other up to date on various things then.

It was funny though, because Coran and I both thought that Casualty, one of the few television programmes that I still like to watch, was on at 8.45pm, and I ended up stuck on the phone sorting out these various issues until 9.15pm. I switched the TV on anyway to catch what I thought would be the end, only to find that I had got the time wrong and it started at 9.20pm after all ! Isn't the universe wonderful when you let go of expectations and begin to go with the flow !

So, today promises to be yet another sweltering day - and another busy one. Coran and I are off to the gym in a moment before it gets too hot, we will then no doubt stop at the viewpoint to catch the breeze and some more sun, before coming home to cook lunch and do the laundry for next week - the whites are whizzing round as I speak. After that I have to go and interview my subject for this months centrespread and take some more photographs to accompany the text, and then well, we will see what happens.

What a busy weekend then it has been - five weeks and 6 days to go to Lundy and counting ... Not that I am wishing my life away you understand.

The meaning of life

I had a strange dream in that moment of transition between sleep and wakefulness, the exact details of which I can no longer recall. I do recall though that my sister Linda was there - an unusual occurrence in itself given that she suffers from schizophrenia, and our relationship is not exactly what you call best friends.

From the few details that I do remember, the dream was based around the island of Lundy, where I retreat to two, maybe three times a year, in order to recharge my batteries. Somehow or other I had got locked out of the cottage, with all my possessions inside - everything that I needed to sustain me and keep me warm from the rapidly encroaching darkness as night fell. Linda and I needed to get help to get back into the cottage before this happened, and while she seemed totally unconcerned, I was searching around, desperately looking for help and wondering whether we had time to get that help before it was too late. It was at that point that the alarm clock went off and I had to get out of bed. I would not normally set the alarm clock of course for a Bank Holiday, but I do work in retail, and so to me, it is just another working day - albeit slightly shorter and with more pay.

It occurred to me while I was in the shower, that perhaps this is about letting go of my own baggage. Diana Summer mentioned some while ago that the Terminal 5 baggage fiasco was also about this - where thousands of bags belonging to air passengers failed to arrive at their destination, and weeks later have still not been found. The fact that the darkness was encroaching was also no doubt, about my own willingness, or perhaps lack of it, to look at my own darkness. I think most of us are afraid of this, and I am no exception here. I also think, or rather feel, that I have made a very good start.

For the first time I actually understand experientially as well as conceptually what that phrase "choose a new reality" really means, and I also understand at last, just how powerful our words and our thoughts really are. It is not something that you can explain to another, as to coin a phrase from Genesis of Man "Words are the least effective way of describing our experiences, as they are merely symbols which are used to describe our thoughts and feelings". When Descartes said "I think, therefore I am" perhaps what he should have said is "I feel, therefore I am".

We have to be willing to let go of everything that we are, and everything that we ever have been if we are to understand who we are truly are. When I think about this, I see transsexuals in many ways as the ultimate in this - for these are people who are willing to give up their whole sense of identity - changing their bodies, their names and literally starting all over again to order to find who they truly are inside. On the other side of the coin are the refugees and 'victims' of various atrocities, who have lost their livelihood, their homes and their loved ones - and seen things that are the stuff of nightmares.

Nadine Laman has an interesting take on this in her May newsletter, where she speaks about the recent Amazon debate and relates this to the need to appreciate what we have and support what is important to us. Most people take for granted that which they love, until it too late and it is gone. She relates this to changes within the book industry, and how one day we will wake up and find out that print books are no more, and have been replaced by emails and CD-roms instead. She urges her readers to not wait to buy books that are interested in, or one day they may wake up and realise that it is too late - those books are no more, as their authors have been forced out of business, unable to make a living.

You could equate this with anything I suppose, like failing to vote, or not valuing your loved ones, but the world is changing before our eyes (change being the only constant in the universe), and if we allow ourselves to get too complacent, and just sit around not looking to the future, then that change will happen regardless, and we may not even notice.

Most readers of course have no idea of what is going on in the book industry (I have very little idea of what goes on in music, even though I buy CD's), and for that matter, many writers and authors do not keep up to date either. One thing we can be sure of is that although the format for books may change, books themselves will always be here in one form or another. Books will also have a shorter life and shelf span (it is currently between three to six months on average), as more of them become available, and the window of opportunity will gets shorter and shorter for an authors success. It is important then not to be complacent, and to support the writers that you like, and not wait until those books are off the shelf.

So, don’t wait (or worse still, expect) to be given a free book and then loan it to everyone you know. Writers, like you, are entitled to make a living, and cannot do so if no one buys their books. As Nadine says, one day, it may be a day late and a dollar (or pound) short to have what you treasure. Life is precious indeed and all too short, we should embrace it and live it fully while we can, for one day it will be gone and we will be left wondering where it all went. Don't take it for granted that the things that you enjoy and get meaning from will always be there, they won't unless you nurture them and look after them. So, value life, value books, and most of all, value yourself.

I have nothing left to give and am on the brink of giving up

Having got back from a week on beautiful Lundy almost a week ago (one week today in fact), it seems that all hell has broken loose since. If there really is no rest for wicked, then goodness knows what I have done. Coran and I often joke that we deserve each other, but I really do not think that anyone deserves the things that seem to be happening to me right now.

When I got back home last weekend, there was an energy alert from Karen Bishop waiting for me which explained a few things. Karen runs an excellent website called What's up on Planet Earth, which you can subscribe to, and which gives channelled messages about the energy changes that are taking place within mankind and the planet as we move towards 2012.

I had to laugh when I read the first two paragraphs which read:

"Where in the heck is all that abundance, those big waves of light, joy, peace, and everything else that is supposed to have arrived in 2008, the year of New Beginnings? Are you perhaps wondering… “New beginnings…hah! What has happened now? Are things ever going to change? When is my ship going to come in? I’m sorry I ever dared to hope that the tide would ever turn! Every time I get my hopes up, they seem to get dashed by yet more unpleasantness and disappointments!”

“I absolutely have no more left to give. My gas tank is empty, my battery is dead, and I am overdone waiting to receive. I can no longer serve, care, or even wade through masses of red tape, processes, or hoops to jump through in order to get anywhere! I need help! I can’t do this on my own anymore! I am wiped out, burnt out and exhausted, and now I am even getting cynical, angry, frustrated, impatient, edgy, grumpy, and even a bit depressed…even to the point where I have become darn right apathetic. I cannot go on like this for one more day! I have been stretched to the limit, and there is nothing more left that can stretch…this is just too much, especially after all I endured in 2007. I want to go home now…”

Boy do I know how this feels! It describes the year I have had (and the depressing bit is that we are only two months in) to a tee. Karen goes on to say that thankfully I am not alone, and loads of other light workers feel exactly the same. The energies keep building up and building up, like a pressure cooker, which results in lots of anger and frustration that things are not going the way that we feel they should be - life just seems too much of a struggle all the time. This is because the clearing that is needed is not yet complete (how much more can there be!), BUT the good news is that it will not be long, and our time will most definitely come by the end of the year!

For this to happen, we need to absolutely crystal clear about what it is we really and truly want - from the deepest parts of our souls and from our heart of hearts, because we will most assuredly receive it! This is not necessarily though what we “think” is possible, but what it is that we really and truly want… or to use new age jargon perhaps, what is most in alignment with our true and authentic selves. Well it doesn't take a genius for me to know what I truly and deeply want from my life - to make a full time living as a writer and be financially independent enough not to have to work for others for the rest of my life. Also though to have the means to continue going to Lundy two to three times a year, to be healthy and strong, debt free, to have Coran by my side, and to have enough to live on when I finally am old enough to retire - not a lot to ask for then!

Until then though I can wait and hope, and try and have positive thoughts.

It is though incredible difficult when I find myself in the situation that I am in. I very much enjoy my work, but there is still this continual conflict and worry at the back of my mind that I need to be out there selling books and spending time investing in my writing business and future. It is just not humanly possible to do this when the odds are stacked so heavily against you, and I am heartily fed up of continually pumping time and money into this project, when all that seems to happen is that I end up making yet more money for other people. I still do not think that it is right or ethical that the wholesaler who stocks my books and sends them out to book stores etc when they order them, makes almost twice per copy than what I do. It breaks my heart to think of this, and after what I discovered last night I really am at the very brink of giving up this whole thing.

When I got back from Lundy on Saturday, Gardners had 112 books in stock. I have not had the time to look all week as I have busy putting together the March edition of village newsletter, but when I went to their site last night, and typed in my ISBN, the figure had gone down from 112 to 41. As far as I am aware, no one has ordered in bulk during the past few days (I am sure that I would know about it were this the case), so it seems that the worst has finally happened, and they have sent some back.

I am absolutely fuming and destroyed by this decision, as I had been led to believe that I had won a reprieve and the books (not to mention my credit card) had been saved, quite apart from the fact that they were supposed to notify Richard if and when they did this, so that we could make sure that someone was in to receive these books. Well I am damned if I am going to take a day off work in order to wait in to pay for their mistake. It just makes me so angry to feel effectively used in this way, in the most horrible way I can imagine right now. Last night I felt like I had sunk into the deepest pit of despair. When the implications of this hit, I think I fell asleep crying and have been tossing and turning all night trying to figure a way out of this mess. This time though there isn't one - all the phone calls to book shops in the world will not save me, for it has already happened and I just have to accept the situation and deal with this.

Right now though I feel as if I can fight no more - as I simply have nothing left to give. I suppose I will give Richard a call after 9am though to see what he can find out.

Up to monkey business ...

I get the distinct impression tonight that the universe is playing one great big cosmic joke on me. Firstly I was 20 minutes late out from work tonight because our new and over enthusiastic salesman would not stop waffling to a customer whom he thought was about to buy - and then didn't. Much as I like this man and admire his attitude to life, namely that there is always something to smile about, it made me really quite angry that both he and the customer seemed to have so little respect for other peoples time and more to the point, any sort of understanding that we are not paid for our time after 5.30pm.

Then when I finally did get home what did I find waiting for me on my keyboard - a letter from the Landmark Trust thanking me for my forthcoming visit to Lundy and inviting me to book a table for Valentines Day at the Montagu Room Restaurant (i.e. the back room) of the islands one and only pub - the Marisco Tavern! I am sure it would be very nice for couples, but it had obviously not occurred to them that there is only one bed in the property I have booked!

This will be the first Valentines Day that Coran and I have spent apart, so it will be somewhat strange in some ways. I have tried to get him to visit Lundy with me on numerous occasions, but he is just not interested. Part of me likes it that way I admit, as I do relish the time alone as does he, but it would also be nice just occasionally to be able to share it with him. I have told him that come what may he will be coming with me for December 2012 - after all, if the world does go tits up, then I can't think of anywhere else I would end it all!

I really thought I had seen and read it all when it comes to the publishing world, but really nothing prepared me for the story I have just read on The Bookseller website. A chimpanzee by the name of Cheeta has been signed up by Fourth Estate to write his memoirs! Yes you did read that right - a chimpanzee has been signed up to write his memoirs!

This is no ordinary chimp, but no less than the world famous Cheeta from the Tarzan films. The article states that Cheeta, a.k.a. Jiggs who celebrated his 75th birthday last April, lives in a Palm Springs retirement home, where he paints and plays the piano.

Fourth Estate publishing director Nicholas Pearson states that "Here we've got the real monkey—­a great actor who is one of the few still alive from what was the golden age of Hollywood. He saw it all. He had to act to save his life, literally. Others who fell by the wayside often ended up in the lab with the dogs, mice and rabbits."

The "funny, moving and searingly honest" book will cover Cheeta's struggle with drink and addiction to cigars, his breakthrough with radical new form of abstract painting "apeism", his relationship with his nightclub-performing grandson Jeeta, and his battle with diabetes.

This would be almost funny were it not so damned serious. I mean what in the hell is the world coming to when a chimp who cannot even speak English let alone write it, is signed up to write his memoirs? How on earth are sensible human beings who do supposed to compete with such hallowed celebrity status and what does it say about the publishing industry and American society in general when a publisher seriously thinks for even one minute that people will buy this sort of stuff. It is totally and utterly beyond me, and for once in my life, I am at a loss for words.

Meanwhile back in the real world, my own book sales continue to go well. There is still no news from Gardners as to when or if those books are being sent back. I continue to check their site on a daily basis, and tonight the number of copies in stock has fallen yet again to 122. I will go to the Waterstones website again then in a minute to see which stores may have been added to that list of stockists and make sure that those who promised me earlier in the week that they would order copies have indeed done so - if not, then they can expect another phone call on Wednesday!

Happy Christmas to all!

What a delight it was to wake up this morning next to my beloved Coran and realise that today, and in fact for the next two days, I do not have to go to work. I honestly do not know how I have found the energy to keep going these past few weeks. By the time I finished work yesterday around 4.45 pm I had worked for seven days in a row and was just about fit to drop. Normally I would have gone to the Christmas Eve service at our local church, and part of me wanted to, as both of us have been pulling away from the church in recent months, but somehow sleep just seemed so much more appealing. My body was crying out for it, and it got it in abundance, because I woke up refreshed and relaxed and ready to cook a scrumptious feast.

Coran and I did not exchange gifts this year, as to be honest there is not much that either of us really wanted. In my case as well I have been busy serving everyone else so that they can buy their own Christmas gifts and Coran just needed a good long rest. I suspect that is the reason actually why I have been working so hard, so that he could have the house to himself and the time off that he needs. My time will come when I visit Lundy in February no doubt.

I had been hoping that I may be able to extend the trip from 7 to 11 nights, but that is not to be. My editorial duties prevent me from extending the trip after 15th February when I am scheduled to return, and other bookings prevent me from going earlier. Still, maybe I will be invited onto Glastonbury radio or something and be able to spend some time there prior to going further west towards Barnstaple and the heliport at Hartland Point. I have 2 weeks to look forward to in the summer anyway - I have booked to go back to the island I love on my birthday, June 21st, which also happens of course to be the summer solstice and the longest day of the year. Now that we have passed the shortest day of the year and the days are slowly beginning to lengthen, I do feel a lot better. That to me is what this time of year is really much more about than celebrating the birth of Christ - welcoming back the light from the long, dark days of winter and that is what the Bible in all probability means when it says that he was born during one of the darkest times in the land, or words to that effect. It is talking much more in a spiritual sense.

The oven then shall be lit shortly to start preparing our Christmas lunch. Being both vegetarian and wheat free does present a unique set of challenges at this time of year, but I managed to find something suitable. We have a butternut squash and leek roast from Tesco with salsa sauce, which I shall cook with roast potatoes, carrots, roasted red onion, cauliflower cheese and wheat free sage and onion stuffing mix with lashings of roast onion gravy. We will save the Christmas pudding (wheat free as well of course) with custard for later on this afternoon with a glass of Baileys while we sit down to watch Monty Python's Life of Brian.

Happy Christmas then to all who read this and make sure it's a good one for you too!

Bordering on the Insane

It has been another funny couple of days now the weekend is over. My energy levels seem to be all over the place at the moment - one minute up, one minute down, and I know that I am not the only one going through this, as I see it everywhere, reflected in everybody that I meet. Coran and I are are lucky in that being a little bit spiritually aware, we have at least some idea as to what is going on, and also have resources to help us deal with it. Most people do not have a clue what is happening to them, and so react to this in the only way that they can, with fear and uncertainly.

The roads at the moment then are filled with idiots, taking the most ridiculous and dangerous risks. I seem to be being overtaken by impatient drivers wherever I go. There is always an element of this when ones lives in an area heavily populated by flash 4 x 4's and sports cars, but I fail to see how some of the behaviour I have witnessed in recent months is really necessary. To be honest, it is the sort of thing one expects to see in Ilfracombe in mid summer, not deepest Surrey in the winter. I speak as one who commutes to the west country at least three times a year to visit my beloved island of Lundy.

Speaking of which, I hear that the island has been closed due to an infection. It seems that both the islanders and visitors have been dropping likes flies, as a bug works its way through the island. The island was closed then on Saturday for around 12 days so that they can do a thorough disinfect and try to eradicate whatever it is.

The island is also troubled at the moment with the need to raise funds to reinforce the beach road, which seems to be experiencing a bad case of subsidence and needs to be strengthened. This is a potentially very serious situation for the island, since it is only means of access to and from the landing beach, where MS Oldenburg berths up to four times a week bringing not just visitors, but also all the stores and provisions for the shop and Tavern. If the road crumbles and they have to bring everything in by helicopter then this would cost a small fortune, and also make it impossible to carry on bringing day trippers over in the summer months, which are still the main source of income for the island. I hope they can manage to raise sufficient funds. I will certainly be sending them what I can afford.

I have come to the conclusion then that Monday is not a good day to be ringing book stores, and from now on will use the day for other things - like contacting press, writing blog sites and other articles etc, not to mention doing the dreaded housework ! Today I have not had much luck either. Most of them seemed to be either not available or requested emails and stuff in the post. Various packages then have been sent to Northallerton, Northampton, Nottingham and Old Brompton Road. With a bit of luck I will have finished ringing all the Waterstones by the middle of October and can then get to work once again on Borders.

Talking of Borders, I see from the Bookseller website that they have been sold to Channel 4 chairman Luke Johnson's Risk Capital Partners for £10 million with another £10 million deferred. The staff will no doubt breath a sign of relief, although there is talk of some store closures. The Beckton store in East London is to close at the beginning of October, which could explain why they did not get back to me regarding the information I sent through last month...

A busy week

I got back from Lundy around 10 days ago, and despite the strange weather (I have never seen the island so wet), a wonderful time was had. The paths were littered with puddles everywhere I walked, but my new boots proved to be waterproof despite their non-leather status (a true vegetarian would never wear dead animal skins on their feet). I missed 2 days because of high winds and torrential rain, but also had some lovely warm and sunny days, and came home suitably sun tanned and relaxed.

Since then it has been work, work and more work. I have decided that I can no longer sit around and wait for people to find my book, but have to be more proactive in telling them that it is out there. This week I have emailed every single library authority in the country asking them to order my book, and today I have also contacted each and every branch of Waterstones. At least 2 libraries have replied to say that they ordered copies - Surrey (where I live) and Westminster (in London), and several others are bringing it to their next acquisitions meeting. I also rang some local branches of Borders, and the Wimbledon branch have ordered some copies to be getting on with. Both Staines and Brighton look as if they might also be interested.

So, although this is a short entry and I have been away and not keeping this blog up to date, I have been extremely busy. The reviews have helped somewhat, but it is difficult to gauge the response when you don't know how people heard of you and where the book sales were made, but only get to see how many copies have been sold each month. There has been a definate upturn in visits to my website by Australians and New Zealanders since the Nexus review came out, so one can only hope that the same thing will happen once the North American edition hits the streets later this month. Oh well, back to those mailing lists ...

Back from Lundy (again)

I got back from another week on beautiful Lundy on Sunday 1st April (April Fool's Day), and what a wonderful week it was, as usual. It was the first sailing of the year. I wondered as the day approached, whether we would be sailing at all, or going by helicopter instead, as the weather seemed to be worsening, with the winds getting stronger and stronger. As it turned out, the day dawned bright and clear, with seas as a calm as a mill pond, and it was one of the smoothest sailings I have ever had. As the week progressed, the winds returned, until we got to last Friday and a gale warning for the island, which meant that, you guessed it, we ended up being helicoptered off all the way to Hartland, near the Cornish border. That was exciting then. I have been on the helicopter several times before, so it was nothing new in some ways, but it was the first time I have had to be coptered off when it should have been the boat.

I am back now and slowly getting back to normality. Paul is still embroiled in the court case re Graham Cook, who is proprieter of a self publishing company called Writersworld. The more Paul tells me about this man the more I am astonished by his business misdealings, and the more grateful I am that I had the foresight to walk in the other directon, when I sniffed a rat coming from his website.

While I was away, Richard had a call from from a television company called Films of Record, who are based in London, and have been commissioned by ITV to do a series called Web Lives. One of the programmes will be on print on demand, and that is how they found Richard, as his company is called Authors OnLine Ltd. Richard referred them to Paul. who has given them details of a dozen or so authors that he works with, myself included. Tom will check out all our websites and be in touch with those that he likes the sound of best. Fingers crossed that one of them might be me.

Paul tells me that ITV are interested in covering the Foyles book signing, which is still going ahead, although there is no confirmed date as yet. All I do know is that it is likely to be on a Saturday and some time before the middle of May. I had better get cracking on that new book cover ...

Today I am celebrating

Today I am celebrating, as not only am I off to my favourite place (Lundy) in the whole wide world tomorrow, but I have just received an extra special present from the postman - a big fat royalty cheque for the princely sum of £83.07! It may not be a fortune, but it is a lot bigger and fatter than my last one, which was for just £19.11. It will help to cover the cost of this trip to Lundy if nothing else.

Yesterday I recorded a lovely interview with Ben Ruddy from Nothing Binding. Ben is the business partner of Jerry Simmons, who is setting up the independent authors programme that I mentioned yesterday. He has a nice American accent as you will hear when you listen to the recording. I never thought I would say this, but it was almost worth missing an extra week in Lundy to be able to do this, as it could do wonderful things for my writing career. The sound is a litte distorted, but not too bad. You have to expect a few glitches with international calls. It was worth the cost of the phone call, as one never knows who may get to hear these things ...

where has the time gone?

It seems like forever since I got back from Lundy, yet is only 2 weeks.

Since I got back I have been busy selling books. I had hoped that the 50 copies I ordered would be here waiting for me when I got back, but no. I rang Gaynor who takes care of ordering, and then I realised that when she said it takes 3-5 days to get the books, what she meant was it takes 3-5 days for the books to be printed. You still have to wait for delivery after they are printed, meaning that I could double that time to around 10 days. The books finally arrived the Wednesday after I got back, within 12 days of ordering. I will have to remember this when it comes to do the Questing Conference and any talks that I organise ...

Talking of which, I have arranged the closest thing I can to a book launch, at our local church on 9th August. I should have enough copies to go round, as I still have 28 left. 20 have been sold direct, mostly to friends at the church, but also 4 to the various members of the Earth's Cycles course that I completed last weekend. One copy has also gone via my own website.

I decided to add the link to my own website so that people can order signed copies from other areas of the country, as several people on my own mailing list have asked. Several in America and Canada have also expressed an interest in signed copies, so they can also get them using the Paypal account I set up. My first American copy was sold this week, and I am sure there will be many more to follow. So far, within just 10 days of returning home I have managed to recoup around 13 percent of my publishing costs. Just over £1000 to go and I have broken even. This does not include the cost of writing the book which runs into several thousand pounds more. This is though a long term thing, and I would rather go for slow, steady sales than have a sudden flash in the pan and then nothing.

How the time has flown

Since writing this blog it seems that so much has happened, yet at the same time, nothing has happened. The book finally went to print about a week ago, and I am waiting for my own sample copy to arrive, which I was told would take 7 - 10 days. I was hoping it might arrive today, which is my birthday, but the postman did not bring anything (except a copy of a friend's book whom I have arranged to do a swap with). Once it does arrive, assuming all is okay and nothing has gone horribly wrong, people will be able to order their own copies. This may be tomorrow, or it may be next week. It will though be within the next week, that much I can say with 100 percent certainty.

It is just under a week until I go to Lundy for my 21st visit. This time I be gone for three whole weeks, the longest I have ever been away from home, before or after I met Coran. He is very good not to make a fuss about this, as I know some men who throw a wobbly if their girlfriend so much as goes shopping on her own - they would get very short shrift from me. Coran knew that I was going to Lundy long before I got involved with him. I always imvite him along, but he doesn't like boats and helicopters and has never been much of a traveller. Truth be known, I am not sure if I would want him to go with me anyway, since I need the time on my own, and feel that it does us both the world of good to spend time apart every so often. Absense makes the heart grow fonder ...

I have finally done it .....

The final draft has been delivered, and this time it really is the final draft. All remains is to get the ISBN, do the spine for the book, and convert it to PDF ready for uploading to the printers network. I will receive a sample copy to check through, probably towards the middle of next week, and assuming all is well, and no corrections are needed (which I don't think there will be), then it can go to print and people will at last be a able to read and buy my masterpiece.

It looks then as if I will be taking copies to Lundy with me. I may even contact the Shore Office to see if I can organise a book signing on the boat - that would be interesting and may even find its way into the Bideford Gazette, not to mention the island newsletter!

I didn't realise that as part of the deal I get an Advance Information sheet prepared for me, so I won't even have to worry about that. Once I have that I can upload it to my own website and blog, plus a few other sites that I post on, and send it out to interested parties with a few review copies. There are a few copies I need to send to friends who have helped me along the way, but I will try to keep these as low as possible, since although their help does need acknowledging and they will also sell copies to people they know, free copies will eat into my own profits. I have to pay for them, and sell them myself before I make a profit ...

The proof reader has finished

I meant to post this a few days ago, but have hardly had time to do anything at all!

The proof reader finally finished last weekend, so this meant I was busy answering reams of questions. It's a good job Richard, my Editor and owner of Authors OnLine Ltd appointed someone with a scientific background, as there were several important places where omitting words by mistake had completely changed the meaning, and only someone with this background would have realised this. He certainly proved his worth. I have not received all the amendments. These were done on screen, rather than paper copies, which I find much easier to look at. It must be a nightmare being a bonafide proof reader with all those bits of paper to keep looking at, since most of them work on paper rather than on screen. Still, the name of my publisher is Authors OnLine ...

As it is it means that I will have to have 2 documents open as I go through the amendments. Technically I don't have to, as with Word Tracker you can display different versions of the same document, flitting between them if you want. I decided that to help me read it and understand the changes that have been made (most of them are simple things, like commas etc in the wrong place, and words that should or should not be hyphenated) I will input them into my original document. Once I have done that, only then will I read the whole thing through.

Unlike with a mainstream publisher, there is no time limit for completing this. I do not intend to rush through it, but it would be good to get it finished by the end of next week, which is half term. Once the schools are back, I will be busy invigilating GCSE and A'level exams, amongst other things, so may not have as much time. I will have to think very carefully when the college ring to arrange my timetable. I need the money, but I will also need some time.

I am also celebrating the fact that I am now spending three weeks on Lundy rather than two. I noticed that the cottage was free for the week after I was due to come home a few days ago, and was not sure what to do, since I did not want this to adversely affect my promotional plans for the book. I asked my pendulum, which said, yes, you should go and you may not get another chance to go away this year. I still wasn't sure, so asked my friend Wendy to check for me. She got the same results, so I have booked it.

Having spoken to Richard, he informs me that it is up to me when I want the book to come out. All that needs to be done is for me to approve the changes made by the proof reader, he will then send the final page count to his son James, who will do the spine, and once that is done it is ready for printing! The book could be available within the month, and almost certainly by the time I go to Lundy!

It may seem like madness to be away for three weeks so soon after publication, but I will be at the end of a mobile phone should Coran or Richard need urgent queries sorted out. I feel at this stage that that third week became available for a reason - because I needed a long break in order to prepare for the mad rush that will follow! It doesn't leave me with much time to organise anything, but hey, who cares, I was not planning to have a huge book launch anyway, just a little party at the Church with a few friends.

I have already sold 100 plus copies to various people that I know through the Church and various websites, so the book will break even with a bit of luck within its first few months. All that remains is to try and get it into some shops, get some reviews in magazines etc, and get out there and sell it!

I am trying not to get nervous as this is such a big step, but one that I know I have to take. It is natural to feel like this, and I am sure all writers go through it, no matter how many books they write. I hope this will be the first of many - but who knows?