Saturday, May 13, 2006

Have I bitten off more than I chew?

I have had three interviews for jobs this week, all of which turned out to be a complete waste of time, where the job description bore absolutely no resemblance to the actual job. All three were advertised as looking for someone with basic IT skills. This to my mind means the ability to know and understand the basic parts of a computer, with a bit of word processing. When it came to the interviews though, they all wanted Access and Excel, neither of which to my mind are basic. I knew pretty much as soon as I went into the room that this job would not be right for me, from the expression on the woman's face who was interviewing me. She seemed to turn her nose up at everything I said, and had I got the impression that she already made her mind up from the moment I sat down.
Still, what the heck, who wants to work with a load of toffee nosed know-it-alls anyway? They will be laughing the other side of their faces when my book sells its first 500 copies and makes me far richer and more fulfilled than they could ever hope to be.

When I got back from the park later on, Coran told me there was a message from the woman who interviewed for another job yesterday. I have left a message for her to ring me back, although it will probably have to wait until Monday now. I am wondering what it is about, since she phoned yesterday to say I didn't have the job, due to a lack of experience of dealing with foreign students (it was in the Basic Skills Unit of a local Adult Education Centre). Have they changed their mind and decided to offer it to me after all? I guess I will have to wait until Monday to find out.

Things have definately started to shift since I finished the book and delivered the final draft. I have had more offers of interviews these past 2 weeks than I have had during the entire previous 6 months - three of which were with the Council, whom I have been applying to for months. It is almost as if the universe were waiting for me to get the book finished before I was ready to go back to work.
The book though is progressing well, the proof reader has started work, and has already contacted me with a few queries. Yesterday I also received the preliminary cover design. There are a few changes that I have requested, before the final artwork is prepared. After that the scary stuff really begins - marketing it to different people, including book shops. Once I have the ISBN I will have to prepare my AI (Advance Information) sheet which will be sent to various people (Cygnus book club, Nexus, Kindred Spirit etc). Then I will have to open a business bank account and get stationary printed and all ready. Once I have a publication date, I can book the Church for a launch party, and send out invitations. I must check with the Inland Revenue whether I can claim for the cost of the drinks etc ...

It is finally beginning to hit me now I have seen some sketches of the cover, what this all means, and the way it is going to change my life. Namely forcing myself, in fact having to put myself out there, in public, selling this book. This will be different to anything I have sold at work, as this time it is my own product, and one that I have much more of a vested interest in. Since I have spent five years writing and nurturing this baby, and there is so much of me in there, it is in effect also selling me, something that I have never felt particularly confident about.

Yet at the same time I know instinctively that my whole life has been building towards this moment, when I get to see my own book in print, and hold a copy in my hands. I was told as a child that I would someday write a book, but I never beleived it, and forgot all about it until it actually happened. I wonder sometimes if I can really handle all of this, and have I bitten off more than I can chew, should I just emigrate to Lundy and lead a happy life serving food in the Tavern and cleaning cottages? I know that this would not be the answer either, as in time I would feel just as unfulfilled as I did at my old job. No, I have to write, and I have to do this, my soul has been crying out to me to get this done, and I cannot stop even if I wanted to.
I have to keep reminding myself that it is not the soul that is frightened, but rather the ego, and the personality self. This is not though who I am. The soul knows who I am and knows what I, what it needs to do. I do not intend to let it down, as otherwise I might have to come back and do it all over again!

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